The transcript for Podcast 231. Horse-Mad Little Girls and Historical Romance: An Interview with Theresa Romain has been posted!

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A Murder in Time is a book I’ve mentioned a couple times on the site. It was also recently on sale! The premise of an FBI agent heroine traveling back in time to 1815 London and getting involved in a serial murder case was too tempting for me to resist. At its heart, this story has a great mystery, but too many unnecessary or ill-fitting details slowed the book to a slog. I just wanted more murder and crime solving.

Before we begin the plot description – trigger warning for murder and violence against women.

Agent Kendra Donovan is a criminal profiler for the FBI. She’s also a eugenics baby (more on that later). After a mission that went horribly wrong, culminating in the deaths of her team, Kendra finds herself thirsty for revenge. The man responsible, Sir Jeremy Green, has turned into an informant and therefore won’t be prosecuted. Kendra is understandably angry and while on medical leave decides to mete out her own brand of justice.

Taking several precautions to keep the FBI off her tail, she travels to England where Sir Green is hosting an event in Aldridge Castle. There she plans to lure him into a room and poison him, but things don’t go as planned: someone else winds up shooting Sir Green. As Kendra tries to escape through a secret passageway in the castle, she is sent back in time. How this happens and why is something we don’t really figure out in this book. A Murder in Time is more about Kendra trying to navigate the early nineteenth century. I’m hoping there will be more of her figuring out how to go home in the next book.

Now stuck in 1815, Kendra is discovered in that same castle by the Duke of Aldridge and his nephew, Alec. The Duke is intrigued; he’s a man of science and Kendra also reminds him of his long lost daughter. However, Alec thinks she’s either a thief or has gone mad. Thinking on her feet, Kendra insists she’s a maid from America, sent to serve the castle during a house party thrown by the Duke’s sister, Lady Atwood.

And then women start dying. Given Kendra’s knowledge as a criminal profiler, she inserts herself into the investigation, which of course stuns all the men in attendance at the castle (cue much resigned eye rolling on my part), given the gender politics and sexism of 1815.

Despite the men being big babies about protecting the women’s sensibilities, all the women in A Murder in Time were strong and awesome in their own ways. Every female character was much smarter and more aware of what was really happening than their male counterparts. I cackled any time one of the female characters got one over on a stuffy dude through snark or smarts or even passive aggressive manner-minding.

Strength comes in many forms and it was great to see rather positive depictions of so many women. There’s Rose, a “tweeny,” which is more like a maid in training. She’s kind and earnest and helps Kendra settle in. There’s Rebecca, who is part of the upperclass and who survived smallpox. She’s progressive and is interested in helping to solve the string of murders. Unfortunately, I found them more interesting than Kendra.

As a heroine, Kendra was hard to relate to. As I mentioned, she’s described in the book as a eugenics baby. Her parents are scientists who treated her more as an experiment than a child. They wanted to breed their most desirable traits in their daughter and it worked. She went to college at an early age and earned a spot as an FBI profiler at the age of 23. However, the eugenics aspect of her backstory seemed ill-fitting me. It was under explored given how huge a concept that is generally, and how integral to her identity it seemed to be. Kendra frequently feels like a “freak” given her eugenics background and has trouble fitting in, but this could have been accomplished narratively without adding the eugenics element. She’s a woman in what is portrayed as a male-dominated field. Isn’t that enough of a reason to feel out of place?

However, it does set up a parallel that she feels those same feelings in 1815 England because she’s a woman who does things women in that era don’t do. She speaks her mind, she curses, she has no knowledge of etiquette appropriate for her station, and she has an unconventional hairstyle for the time. (It’s an angled bob, by the way.)

But the eugenics aspect felt more like shorthand instead of a plausible explanation for feeling different in the present day and in the past. Because she’s super smart, Kendra seems to be good at everything. She knows a variety of languages and can recall the most random facts about things like Ming vases and then an author’s lifespan. She lacked the empathy I want in a character and came across more like a computer, going through procedures and regurgitating facts.

One more bothersome element of the book was that the POV seems to change mid-paragraph. For example, Kendra would be introduced to a doctor and then we’d get the doctor’s internal opinion on Kendra. It was confusing to figure out who was supposed to be thinking what.

Negatives aside, I really enjoyed the mystery of this one. I’m the kind of annoying reader and television/movie watcher who tries to guess what’s going to happen before it does. I feel like such a badass when I know the twist before it’s revealed. A Murder in Time had me guessing the whole way through and I frequently waffled on the identity of the murderer. I also loved seeing Kendra try to use modern crime solving techniques without the aid of technology. I wasn’t sure how this book would end and whether Kendra would make it back to the present day.

Overall, I was happy with the conclusion, save for one, mind-boggling detail:

Despite my disappointment with how things were wrapped up and with Kendra’s characterization, the cleverness of the mystery motivates me to continue with the series. If you want a good mystery with a time travel twist and a serial killer disguised amongst gentry, A Murder in Time is great. But be prepared for some frustrating elements that may take you out of the story. I recommend taking frequent breaks while reading, lest your frustration boil over.

La La Land

by Damien Chazelle
Black Label Media

If you love old Hollywood musicals, or traditional jazz, or both,  you are the intended audience of La La Land, a love letter Old Hollywood musicals, jazz, and a retro-postcard version of Los Angeles (not the real version of LA, because that doesn’t come in primary colors).

It’s the story of Mia (Emma Stone), a struggling actress trying to get her big break, and Sebastian (Ryan Gosling), a struggling jazz pianist trying to single-handedly save jazz music for people who just don’t appreciate it. He’s a jazz bro. He’s kind of a dick.

Anyway, they meet a couple of times, they clash, they have truly adorable song and dance number about how they are TOTALLY not falling in love, not at all, then they do fall in love, because of course they do.  Trials and tribulations happen, and some more songs, and then the ending, which… we will get to.  (under spoilers tags, because I’m not a monster.)

Emma Stone is an excellent actress. Remember the times I called Alicia Vikander a “jaw” actress? Stone is a “mouth” actress. She conveys volumes with how she tightens her mouth. I’m sure that pages have been written about how expressive her eyes are (and they are, they’re huge) but I think she does more with her mouth. She’s also an excellent dancer and reasonably good singer (she was in Cabaret on Broadway for a few months) but a little tepid for my taste.

Ryan Gosling is also excellent- I’ve always liked him, and he’s got that Mickey Mouse Club background to fall back on in terms of song and dance. I’ve heard that he upped his piano playing game so he could play on screen without weird and awkward covering. He’s also great at comedy, and should do more.  (He also had the single sweetest moment when he won the Golden Globe for Best Actor, where he thanked his wife, Eva Mendes, for all the emotional labor she put in taking care of the family while he was making the movie.) He and Stone also work really well together-this is their third movie pairing and the chemistry is great.

One of the weirdnesses of this movie is that it’s about a white guy who wants to save jazz, a music form that was invented by Black people, and keep it “pure.” And there’s a scene when John Legend (playing another jazz musician) calls him out for not wanting jazz to evolve. And while I can see both sides of this argument, it’s not clear where the movie comes down on it. I can kind of say, well, it didn’t NOT say that there wasn’t room in the world for both traditional and modern jazz.  It’s just a weird tone in this plot about jazz bros.  (pun intended.)

The plot about Mia trying to make her career happen is in honor of everyone who comes to LA to make a dream come true. There’s a lot of realism in the surreality of the audition scenes, and a lot of the situations come from things that Stone and Gosling experienced in their early careers (I rather imagine that they don’t have to go to cattle call auditions anymore).  Mia also makes a couple of really questionable decisions which I can understand but… girl, you didn’t think this through.

Also the opening shot is a technical wonder- a song and dance number on the ramp that connects the 105 freeway to the 110, and can be up to 100 feet in the air. It’s a complex, single(ish) shot of hundreds of dancers and singers on this freeway ramp.  This EW article has an excellent breakdown of the inspirations and complexities of the shot. I’m not gonna lie, I was grinning madly when that song ended.

It’s very candy-colored, and very bright version of LA. There isn’t a lot of reality on display here. It’s pretty white (with the occasional person of color in the background and also John Legend). It’s a fantasy version of LA where the biggest problem is that all the keys in the valet stand are for identical Priuses (Prii?).

Emma Stone’s costumes are adorable retro dresses, with saddle shoes aplenty. Mandy Moore (not that Mandy Moore) of So You Think You Can Dance fame was the choreographer, and her grasp of classic Hollywood musical dance styling is on point. There’s some striking visuals (the number where Mia and her roommates dance down the street on their way to a party, for one) and cute songs, and if any of you do anything with community or student theater, expect many MANY renditions of “Audition” to show up during musical auditions.

I love movies, and I love me a homage, and I was pretty much on board with La La Land up until the last five minutes.

La La Land just got nominated for 14 Academy Awards, and that’s to be expected. There’s nothing movie people like more that rewarding a movie that talks about how awesome movie people are. And it’s a good movie with a lot of skill that went into making it. But I will be MOST upset if either of the songs deny Lin-Manuel Miranda his EGOT for his work on Moana.

La La Land is in theaters now and you can find tickets (US) at Fandango and Moviefone.

Y’all really enjoyed my random YouTube live feed, so I’ll be back at 2:30pm ET today to talk books, reading, with possible story time and random mayhem!

Thank you for all the encouragement and kudos on the last one. Sometimes the best thing to do is jump in and see what happens.

See you in a few!

A | BN | K | iB

The books I read aloud were Library Mouse by Daniel Kirk and chapter one of Diablo Lake: Protected by Lauren Dane ( A | BN | K | G | iB ). Thank you very much to Lauren Dane for giving me permission. I hope I did justice to the characters.

I’ll update with the date and time of the next Live Scream soon. In the meantime, thank you for being part of it!

Already Tomorrow in Hong Kong

by Emily Ting
Unbound Feet Productions

Sarah: Watching Already Tomorrow in Hong Kong. 1 hour, 18 minutes. perfect

It’s sad that 2 hours is often too much of a commitment for me. I’m embarrassed admitting that.

This was written and directed by Emily Ting, so I’m giving Emily all the credit for all the things I like. And so far there’s a lot.

Carrie: This movie is basically the exact same movie as the Chris Evans one only without the purse theft.

Also I just want to advise our readers that you should not try watching romantic comedy while you are a cranky pants. Because in another mood I would love this but today I’m just like “these over-privileged tourists are the worst.”

RHG: I live in a pretty big city, and I love big cities, but Hong Kong just looks SO STRESSFUL to me. I’m not sure if not being able to understand random conversations (because I don’t understand Chinese) would make it more or less stressful.

Sarah: Ruby’s “Mmm, no,” said so much in two syllables. “No, strange dude I don’t know. I don’t want you to walk me.”

Carrie: A lot of romantic comedy seems to involve women trying to decide if helpful guy is actually a serial killer.

Sarah: Two Americans in Hong Kong shit talking each other’s cities. Yup.

RHG: No one can give directions anymore. It’s sad. Although as meet-cutes go, this has potential. (stop smoking, dude, it’s gross)

“There’s something very wrong with you city when the only nice thing you have going for you is the weather.” That’s not fair Josh, they also have In and Out burger. But then so does San Diego, and the beaches in SD are MUCH better. I did a science.

Sarah: He’s in finance, wants to be a writer. Is this like Paul, the real estate novelist?

RHG: Ugh, a finance bro. Of course he is. I should have known, because that blue oxford shirt is finance bro uniform. (AND HE’S AN ASPIRING NOVELIST. OF COURSE HE IS)

Sarah: I love that being strangers in a momentary interaction allows them to be really honest with each other. I also love that they can make fun of themselves a little, too.

Carrie: Oh ouch the girlfriend thing. “You left your girlfriend at a bar so you could go to a bar with another girl?”

OH MY GOD IT WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND’S PARTY. DUDE.

Sarah: “What makes them immigrants and you expats?” RUBY. ASKING THE QUESTIONS.

RHG: Deep questions about the difference between immigrants and ex-pats. Timely.

Sarah: Have mercy. Travel, long term residency in far away countries. Deep and honest conversations. People who laugh at themselves. JUSTIN BEAVER.

Could this be any more of my catnip?

RHG: Annnnd we’re gonna pause while I pull up Hong Kong on Google maps. I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS ABOUT THEIR ROUTE. He took her on the most circular route there.

Writing for money? Oh, Ruby. That’s adorable.

Sarah: So many of the things Josh says could be super creepy but the actor manages to spin it so I’m not creeped out. I wonder if a different viewer who isn’t already on board (JUSTIN BEAVER) would be like, dude, dial back the creeper. Me, I think he’s self aware enough to

Ruby can also be really honest with him because she’s got nothing to lose by telling a stranger exactly what she thinks. And vice versa. Except for the girlfriend part.

RHG: “….girlfriend.” Ruby and I have the same tone in our voice.

Sarah: I’m asking myself, was he flirting? “If I misled you?” You kinda did, dude.

Ruby has the greatest facial expressions. Her “Are you KIDDING me?” face is a work of goddam art.

Oooh, jump ahead a year. Josh is scruffy with beard and a lot more worried expressions. Has he quit his job? YES HE HAS. The beard was my first clue. That and the flannel.

Carrie: We can tell he’s writing now because of the flannel.

I’m kind of surprised she recognized him. Also surprised she didn’t lead with “Josh! Are you an alcoholic now?” because his “I am a writer” look comes with the eyes of madness.

RHG: Plaid shirt? Scruff? Oh, Josh.

Sarah: She changed his life direction with a few hours’ conversation. That’s really cool. And he must have saved some money to stay in Hong Kong.

RHG: He’s been in Hong Kong for eleven years, and the fact that he’s reasonably competent in Cantonese is…kinda hot?

(Quick question, there, Joshua. What’s the residency requirements in Hong Kong? Do you need to have a work visa? Do you have some form of permanent residency? HOW DOES IT WORK asking for a friend.)

Sarah: She really likes him, and dislikes that she likes him.

RHG: They do have a really nice, easy chemistry.

Carrie: Ruby bringing the high quality burns here.

Sarah: I love that they give each other shit about cultures. And I love that she vents about her own cultural adjustment, and he gets it. He gives her room to vent and he gets it. But he also loves where he lives.

Carrie: I love how while he’s trying to get Ruby to have a drink with him there’s a guy in the back of the shot framed between them cracking up, like, “Good luck there, buddy.”

Sarah: MONTAGE WITH SUNGLASSES. AND A SELFIE STICK. EVERYBODY DRINK.

Carrie: SHOPPING MONTAGE!

“Yeah, they are very cute! I designed them!” Ha, that’s adorable. They are a much cuter couple when they don’t think they are on a date.

Sarah: “How did she take you quitting your job?” She gets right at the heart of things but he doesn’t ask her much until she opens the possibility – and then avoids it.

RHG: Nachos with Doritos and yogurt? That’s….horrible! THAT IS A LEGIT COMPLAINT. (Dim sum is good only if you don’t have objections to shrimp or are willing to dissect your food to find hidden shrimps. I am willing to dissect my food to find hidden shrimps. Not gonna sacrifice pizza for that, though)

Carrie: “To eat politely is not to eat at all” words to live by.

Sarah: It’s interesting – a lot of their conversation revolves around what’s real, what matters, whether their jobs are true to themselves, whether their relationships are true to who they are.

It’s interesting that while I usually dislike infidelity narratives, this is a movie built on emotional infidelity. Their walking conversations are honest but dishonest, too. They’re truthful with each other but they don’t fully acknowledge how powerful the draw between them is, and how they create their own space around themselves when they’re together. Also they have great chemistry.

RHG: Josh, when you say your girlfriend supports you, do you mean like, support, or support?

Sarah: And even in a space surrounded by his friends, where they must know him and his girlfriend, they’re clearly – OUCH FRIEND INTERRUPTION. OUCH. COLD FRIEND.

RHG: Who didn’t have a starter engagement that didn’t work out? (Oh my god, you proposed on Washington Irving’s grave? How….wow.)

Actually, an outlook reminder for Skype dates makes sense, especially when there’s that big a stretch between time zones.

Sarah: And she’s having a “what am I doing moment.” And she dodges her phone call appt. Ouch again.

“What are we doing?”
“Smoking a cigarette.”
“We were just hanging out. Right?”

Well, yes and no. He’s trying to dodge the underlying truth, that while they’re being honest they’re not being honest.

Carrie: Smoking is not sexy.

RHG: GIRL NOW YOU’RE SMOKING TOO

Sarah: The shot of them walking really far apart is a little wrenching. And they move apart to split the cab. Split being the operative word.

“Does she appreciate …” “Does he appreciate…?”

Carrie: They are both awful to their significant others. And their significant others sound awful.

Sarah: “It’s not fair to them.”
“We haven’t done anything.”

I’d argue you have, there, Josh.

RHG: Josh, you both kind of are emotionally cheating. But here’s the thing though – the timing for you guys isn’t great. However, I think he’s right- maybe they should re-evaluate, but MAN the timing is terrible. TERRIBLE.

Sarah: OUCH. RUBY. Handing back the big secret.

RHG: DanielGreg does sound kinda like a bore, though.

Carrie: This movie is almost over and I still haven’t decided if I like Ruby or not but her range of facial expressions is priceless.

Sarah: OMG. IT IS A CLIFFHANGER MOVIE. HAHAHAHA. I’m the worst.

RHG: …that’s it?

Carrie: Argh cliffhanger ending argh!

Sarah: OK, so do you think they went upstairs to her apartment? Or did they part ways and never see each other again?

RHG: Well.

I mean, look, I’ve got this nihilist “the world is gonna end so who cares” attitude lately, so whatever Ruby, flip a coin. Have the bird pick for you. Just…do something and don’t stick with DanielGreg just because that seems like the right thing. You don’t want to hurt him but you also don’t want to hurt him in the long term by staying in a marriage just because you think you should.

I thought this gave an interesting view of Hong Kong – tourism boards pay good money for this kind of portrayal.

It was cute! It was a pleasant way to spend an hour and 18 minutes. Jamie Chung is very pretty (ohhhhh, she was criminally underused as Mulan in Once Upon a Time! That’s where I know her from!) and Josh is a perfectly fine dude, whatever. They did have GREAT chemistry! And in another time they would make a cute couple. Maybe in this time, if they can deal with their other partners appropriately. Maybe. (Oh, Jamie and Bryan are actually married to each other, no wonder they have good chemistry! Although that’s not a given, tbh.)

Sarah: So my grade: B. I’m frustrated a little by the lack of clear ending, but I have been enjoying the way my brain has pondered it for days afterward, trying to figure out what would happen next.

Carrie: Even though I’m super cranky I would still give this movie a solid B. They got me at the shopping montage and kept levelling up from there.

Am revisiting this after a week and I’m going to drop my grade to a C+. The problem is that I can’t picture this couple doing anything but wandering around Hong Kong. I can’t picture them as an actual, functioning couple. I don’t particularly care about these people, together or separately. Also, I think the ending is a cop out with a dollop of squick. I feel like what they OUGHT to do is part ways but keep each other’s contact info, deal with their relationships, and possibly get together later. And I’m guessing that Ruby will stay with her boyfriend but Josh will break up with Sam. But the amount of emotional infidelity left me feeling grossed out after the glow of the shopping montage had ended.

Bonus “AWWWW”: According to TV Tropes the two lead actors are married in real life! Awwwww!

Did you watch the movie? What’d you think about the cliffhanger ending (sorry!)? Let us know what you think in the comments!

Admittedly, this might be one of my favorite batches of Lightning Reviews we’ve done. There are princesses, Elyse taking photos of questionable objects in public, and a new romantic suspense from a contemporary romance author. Enjoy!

The Kindle Daily Deals today consist of a great selection of science and math books!

The Dark Days Club

The Dark Days Club by Alison Goodman is $1.99! This is a YA book about demon-hunting in Regency England, which sounds all sorts of badass. Readers loved the heroine and all the other female characters in the book, but some felt like it was too much like Buffy the Vampire Slayer in a rather obvious way. Have you read this one?

London, April 1812. Eighteen-year-old Lady Helen Wrexhall is on the eve of her debut presentation to the Queen. Her life should be about gowns and dancing, and securing a suitable marriage. Instead, when one of her family’s housemaids goes missing, Lady Helen is drawn to the shadows of Regency London.

There, she finds William, the Earl of Carlston. He has noticed the disappearance, too, and is one of the few who can stop the perpetrators: a cabal of powerful demons that has infiltrated every level of society. But Lady Helen’s curiosity is the last thing Carlston wants—especially when he sees the searching intelligence behind her fluttering fan. Should Helen trust a man whose reputation is almost as black as his lingering eyes? And will her headstrong sense of justice lead them both into a death trap?

In The Dark Days Club, internationally best-selling author Alison Goodman introduces readers to a heroine who is just as remarkable as Eona—and yet again reinvents an establlished literary genre, making it her own.

Add to Goodreads To-Read List →

This book is on sale at:

 

 

 

The Magdalen Girls

RECOMMENDED: The Magdalen Girls by V.S. Alexander is $2.99! Redheadedgirl wrote a Lightning Review for this book and gave it a B:

I liked reading about this this facet of history, even as I had to struggle with the rage that this wasn’t a bygone era: this was happening in my lifetime. If we can understand the things people do to each other, maybe we can keep history from repeating itself.

Dublin, 1962. Within the gated grounds of the convent of The Sisters of the Holy Redemption lies one of the city’s Magdalen Laundries. Once places of refuge, the laundries have evolved into grim workhouses. Some inmates are “fallen” women—unwed mothers, prostitutes, or petty criminals. Most are ordinary girls whose only sin lies in being too pretty, too independent, or tempting the wrong man. Among them is sixteen-year-old Teagan Tiernan, sent by her family when her beauty provokes a lustful revelation from a young priest.

Teagan soon befriends Nora Craven, a new arrival who thought nothing could be worse than living in a squalid tenement flat. Stripped of their freedom and dignity, the girls are given new names and denied contact with the outside world. The Mother Superior, Sister Anne, who has secrets of her own, inflicts cruel, dehumanizing punishments—but always in the name of love. Finally, Nora and Teagan find an ally in the reclusive Lea, who helps them endure—and plot an escape. But as they will discover, the outside world has dangers too, especially for young women with soiled reputations.

Told with candor, compassion, and vivid historical detail, The Magdalen Girls is a masterfully written novel of life within the era’s notorious institutions—and an inspiring story of friendship, hope, and unyielding courage.

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This book is on sale at:

 

 

 

The Friday Night Knitting Club

The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs is $1.99! This is women’s fiction about – you guessed it – a knitting club. Some readers note that the writing style isn’t for everyone and that some of characters’ actions were pretty frustrating. However, others thought it was an emotional read and enjoyed the different character threads.

Juggling the demands of her yarn shop and single-handedly raising a teenage daughter has made Georgia Walker grateful for her Friday Night Knitting Club. Her friends are happy to escape their lives too, even for just a few hours. But when Georgia’s ex suddenly reappears, demanding a role in their daughter’s life, her whole world is shattered. Luckily, Georgia’s friends are there, sharing their own tales of intimacy, heartbreak, and miracle making. And when the unthinkable happens, these women will discover that what they’ve created isn’t just a knitting club: it’s a sisterhood.

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This book is on sale at:

 

 

 

Bedding the Baron

Bedding the Baron by Alexandra Ivy is 99c! Ivy originally published this historical romance under the name Deborah Raleigh and it’s the first book in the Illegitimate Bachelors series. Readers liked the forced proximity aspect of the romance, but some found the heroine a bit too prickly for their tastes.

Only the most damnable curiosity could compel Fredrick Smith to seek the truth about the father who abandoned him. And only a torrential storm could force him to stop at an inn en route. But what a treasure he finds there-a raven-haired beauty whose drab attire can’t disguise her latent sensuality. And soon Fredrick’s most pressing need is to melt Mrs. Portia Walker’s icy reserve, and make her smile, sigh, and cry out with pleasure.

AND A KISS THAT WOULD TEMPT THE DEVIL.

From the moment Fredrick enters Portia’s inn-wet clothes clinging to sleek muscles, angelic features, shimmering gray eyes-she is vibrantly aware of the danger he presents. Portia was almost ruined once, and swore that no man would control her destiny again. But vows are no match for a desire that could be pure folly-or the most exquisite bliss.

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This book is on sale at:

 

 

 

Happy Monday! I think we all need some Cover Snark right about now, don’t you?

From Meg: “Solid cover snark contender:”

RHG: WOW

Sarah: That horse has Seen Things.

RHG: Thank god for KU.

Sarah: Lord above. or, Horse above.

Amanda: I never thought a horse could look so disappointed and ashamed.

Sarah: So he’s horny.

Amanda: She’s missing half her body and the stag king is severely sunburned and missing a face.

Also…this is currently shelved as BUSINESS on Goodreads.

RHG: Also she’s gonna get splinters in her boobs.

Carrie: Honey if you walk around the woods like that you are gonna get poison ivy something fierce

RHG: Also ticks.

Carrie: The stag king seems to be flayed alive. BORED NOW.

Also mosquito bites.

RHG: Chiggers.

Carrie: This is a matter of strategy, not body shaming. The forest is a terrible place for nudity.

RHG: Yup.

Carrie: But points for that very strategic branch.

Sarah: A gift to us from Reader Qualisign.

Amanda: That looks like a space butthole.

Carrie: His belly button is a space portal.

RHG: His nipples look like eyes.

Sarah: A boner so big it split a planet? That’s a little bit of wishful thinking, right?

Maybe that’s supposed to be a moon?

THAT IS NO MOON. IT’S A SPACE BONER.

Elyse: Quick, where’s the exhaust vent leading to the reactor core!?

From Carole: So he’s sort of in BLISSssss mode – whatever do you think he’s doing???

Sarah: I think that poor lady and the wolf are entirely superfluous to this moment.

Elyse: I think the “tear drop” in the corner tells us everything we need to know

RHG: That is the look of a man who has taken the greatest piss of his life.

Elyse: Like when you’ve been in the car forever and you have to pee so bad your lower back hurts

RHG: Yup.

There is a line in The Tokaido Road where the heroine has disguised herself as a dude, and in order to buy herself a few minutes to scope the area for her escape, she fakes peeing with a wine skin.

And she is described as “having the expression of a man who has discovered yet again that pissing was a soul-satisfying act.”

Carrie: She looks a bit left out.

Amanda: This book apparently has everything. Ballerinas. Wolves. “Watersports.”

Seven Minutes in Heaven is written with Eloisa James’ customary wit and charm. It’s an enchanting book with one major caveat – the main conflict could have been resolved in Chapter One if people just spoke clearly. I’m not a fan of stories that revolve around a misunderstanding. Still, I enjoyed it because the writing is so good and the characters so delightful.

Edward Reeve, AKA Ward, is in desperate need of a governess who can work wonders. He has become the guardian of his two half-siblings, Lizzie and Otis, who were, for complicated reasons, raised with a traveling theater troupe. When they are orphaned, Ward takes them in. He wishes to protect them against scorn from the society world they will eventually inhabit by teaching them socially impeccable manners – hence the need for a very good governess.

Eugenia Snowe, a widow, is not and has never been a governess. She is, in fact, a Lady. However, she runs a registry of governesses, and because Ward cannot imagine that a woman of high rank would run a business, he assumes that she is a former governess herself. Ward sets out to seduce Eugenia on two fronts. He wishes to convince her to teach the children proper deportment, and he wishes to convince her to have fun sexy time with him. She agrees to both. As is inevitably the case, fun sex turns into romantic love.

This book is so fun that it took me a week to consider that every single character is dealing with grief. Eugenia was happily married for seven years and deeply grieves her husband. The kids transcend the perils of plot-moppetry because they are fully realized characters with their own emotional lives. They each have their own way of mourning their parents and facing a completely new way of life. Ward mourns for his own childhood and the scorn he faced for being illegitimate.

The issue of grief is important because without it Ward would be insufferable. He is controlling and snobby. This would be unforgivable as a character trait except that his motives are pure, and it’s important to note he is unfailingly kind and patient to the his half-siblings. He’s desperate to protect them both from derision as they grow up. He’s stupid about it, but he means well.

Alas, that still leaves the fact that Ward is often stupid. He somehow believes that Lizzie and Otis must grow up held to rigid standards of constant perfection, even in private, even in the most emotional moments, and that this approach will be better than having to face down some mean people as adults. He’s quick to make assumptions, and his assumptions are almost always wrong. He believes idiotic things about women, class, and behavior. He also misinterprets most things that are said to him, especially when they are about Eugenia. The entire plot hinges on him believing that she is a former governess and not a woman of high birth despite the many times he is informed, albeit obliquely, that she’s a woman of high birth. He doesn’t get the hints because he’s too wrapped up in the assumption that everyone looks down on him, and the assumption that ladies of noble birth do not do certain things like run businesses.

As frustrating as this was, I loved the writing and her characters, who are always interesting. I loved the kids, especially Lizzie who channels Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice so hard that I expected her to say, “I myself am strange and unusual” at any moment. Sometimes characters did things that bugged me, but they were at least consistent with their personalities. For example, Ward doesn’t screw up out of the blue. He screws up for plausible reasons related to his life experiences.

The book is also very funny. It’s full of banter, and you all know how very much I love banter. The scene with the French letters, a scene I will not even attempt to describe, is laugh-out-loud funny and sexy at the same time. Eugenia is a completely delightful and relatable character with enough common sense to realize that the Big Misunderstanding that Ward has developed is not actually the major issue between them.

I’m willing to forgive a great deal in a man who just wants to protect a couple of orphans from his own miserable childhood. And I hold on to the hope that Eugenia will kick enough sense into Ward over time that they will be happy together. Ward is consistently kind to the children, and despite his strict standards he’s flexible about veils and unorthodox pets. There’s hope for him and Eugenia. That said, I have to admit that I was really rooting for Eugenia in this story, as well as the kids, who I fervently hope will have their own books eventually. Lizzie in particular clearly has a grand career ahead of her.

This HaBO request comes from Florencia, who is looking for a book with some crazy horse-related scandals:

This was read several years ago. The premise of the story: Irish brother and sister. The brother is very good with horses and goes off to work for a horse farm that is also heavily involved in the derby-racing world. But suddenly, he stops writing his sister and so she thinks something happened to him. Her and a friend (I think) travel to where his last letter came from, which happened to be a horse-racing townShe is as beautiful as Aphrodite in heat, so of course a very powerful and high-stationed man takes interest in her, and thinks she is part of the ring that’s drugging horses before the races. In true stalker fashion, he follows her around and chases her into woods and so on.

The Irish sister ends up dressing up as a boy to search for her brother, her and the high-stationed gentleman have sex in an abandoned house, his office as she is reading over ledgers, and several other places. They find her brother and dismantle the illegal ring. She refuses to marry the gentleman, but he courts her heavily. After she says, “Fine, I will have you,” she gets kidnapped by the head of the drug ring, who was part of their society circles, and she gets shot on the ear saving her soon to be husband. The end.

Well, all right then! I don’t know this book,  but with all this stuff happening, I can only imagine it’s 800 pages long.

Happy 12th Anniversary to everyone! The site started on 31 January 2005 with a review for Angel-Seeker by Sharon Shinn and for The Unsung Hero by Suzanne Brockmann, and what a long strange hot pink journey it has been over the past twelve years.

WOW. I’m sort of stunned by that, and I’ve been working on this post for a few weeks now. Twelve years! That’s a long, long time. Thank you for hanging out with us for so many years! 

As has become tradition, I went and had a look at the traditional gifts for a 12th anniversary, and behold! Linen! So I played online and shopped for several hours (SUCH A HARDSHIP MY GOSH), and came up with some fun prizes to celebrate our anniversary with a giveaway.

This year, my goal is to accessorize your favorite reading location with adorable pillows that include linen or a blend thereof, and that celebrate reading the books we love.

Ready? We’ve got six to give away!

Have a look!

A typewriter pillow! How cute is that?

But wait, more pillows!

This one has embroidery to make it look like looseleaf paper – I love it.

When my house was staged and it looked like stylish chevron-obsessed aliens lived there with us, this pillow was added to a small grey sofa, and I loved this pillow like mad. I am so excited I found it online and can give one away! The alphabet is embroidered on the front, and it’s just adorable. 

Do you read past your bedtime? Of course you probably do. We’re all members of The Bad Decisions Book Club.

It’s always Book O’Clock, right? No question.

And of course, one more pillow:

Can’t leave out The Ladies, right? The front of this pillow has The Ladies – Original Recipe, and on the back it says, “You should be reading.” Because obviously.

To enter to win, leave a comment and tell us your favorite thing about hanging out here at SBTB. HaBOs? Cover Snark? Reviews? What’s your favoritest thing?

Standard disclaimers apply: We are not being compensated for this giveaway. Void where prohibited. Open to international residents where permitted by applicable law. Must be over 18 and ready to lounge and read. Pants are always optional. To keep with the theme of twelve, we recommend reading in two twelve-hour blocks to most efficiently fill your time. All blankets and all readers welcome. Keep books and read on. Comments will close Monday February 6, 2017 around noon ET, and winners will be announced shortly thereafter.

Whatever it is that keeps you coming back to Smart Bitches, thank you. It’s an honor to hang out with all of you from each part of the globe each day, and I’m so glad you’re here. Happy anniversary to us!

It’s that time of week again, when we gather around the TV to watch fifteen women compete for the love of a man who can’t figure out how couches work. Fortunately we have travel to exotic locations and champagne to get us through.

Previously on Elyse Watches The Bachelor…

Nick took the ladies to his hometown of Waukesha, WI where they milked some cows and no one was happy about it–not even the cows. Nick had a great one-on-one date with Raven who, it turns out, is a total badass and capable of smacking the shit outta somebody. Corinne and Taylor start to fight at the cocktail party preceding The Dreaded Rose Ceremony.

Alright folks, I’ve got Kraken and Coke, and Dewey is tripping balls on nip. It’s time to go!

Corinne and Taylor continue their discussion regarding emotional intelligence. The words “here for the right reasons” are used. Everyone take a shot!

So then, Corinne tells Nick that Taylor isn’t very nice to the other women, and drops “I don’t think she’s here for the right reasons” again. Everyone take a shot again. Corinne clearly hasn’t yet learned that “nice” is the most useless thing you can be. There’s compassionate, kind, empathetic. Those are good things. Nice is just patriarchal code for “not saying some shit that needs to be said to your own detriment.”

Fuck nice.

Then it’s time for The Dreaded Rose Ceremony. Because we’re in Wisconsin, you can see everyone’s breath misting in the air and you know that Nick, not forced to wear to a stupid evening gown, is the only one who isn’t miserable. You’re in my neck of the woods, ladies, get you some flannel-lined jeans.

When we’re down to one rose, Chris Harrison appears out of nowhere and says “We’re down to the final rose.”

JESUS CHRIST CHRIS, WE KNOW. WE CAN COUNT.

Both Taylor and Corinne get roses. Sarah and Astrid go home.

Next  everyone packs up and heads to New Orleans. This is why people sign up for The Bachelor. Luxury travel on ABC’s dime.

Chris Harrison shows up at the hotel. “We’re in New Orleans,” he says.

WE KNOW. WE GOT ON A PLANE TO COME HERE.

It’s at this point that I begin to worry that Chris has suffered some kind of traumatic brain injury and has to constantly remind himself of things. Like what city he’s in. How many roses are left. I’m starting to feel bad for being such an asshole to him. He might have gotten kicked in the head by the camel in episode one.

Attorney Rachel scores the first one-on-one (aka nowhere to run) date. They go to The French Market where, among other things, they eat some oysters and the hottest hot sauce available.

“My chemistry with Rachel is like probably the most explosive chemistry I have at this point,” Nick admits.

Keep on eating raw oysters and super hot sauce and that’s not gonna be the only explosive thing you have. Just sayin.

At this point I’d like to take a moment to talk about all the kissing going on and discuss disease transmission. I think Nick has kissed every single one of the women at this point, some at length. And I strongly suspect that’s not the ONLY mucus membrane to have been breached…if you catch my drift. You know everyone has the same cold now right? My skin crawls just thinking about it. What if someone has strep? And Nick is the vector passing all that shit around like a bearded little petri dish.

Nick Viall: Patient Zero.

Back to the show. Dinner happens in a warehouse where Mardi Gras floats go to die, which would not be my choice, but hey, no one asked me. So far neither Rachel or Nick have the gurgles from the hot sauce/ oyster lunch.

Now during EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE ON ONE DINNER, the women each tell Nick the story of Their Tragic Past (my grandpa died right before the show, I was hit by lightning once, I was turned into a newt, but I got better) and how that tragedy somehow made them better, more fully developed people. Rachel tells Nick that the last time she was in New Orleans it was for a funeral and it made her want to live life to the fullest or something.

I have a problems with all of this:

1. Sometimes tragedy is just tragedy and it sucks but it doesn’t have to transform you into a magical butterfly
2. Nick smiles DURING THE ENTIRETY of all of these stories and says, “that’s great.”

I think if I made it this far onto The Bachelor (I wouldn’t, I have short hair and a potty mouth), I would tell Nick the tragic story of my horrifying infected abscess that I had drained that year. Maybe I’d made it a dermoid cyst, because sometimes they have actual teeth in them. Yes, yes I would. And then at the end of the story of “The Draining,” I would pull out one of my cyst-teeth that I made into a necklace for him, complete with little beads that spell “Nick.”

Please note, if you have had a dermoid cyst I’m legit sorry because it sounds like the worst, and I am not making fun of you. I’m making fun of Nick. Fuck that guy.

Also why have half these women recently experienced a death in the family!?! Is Chris Harrison scouting for contestants in cemeteries? Are the recently bereaved the only people Nick is attracted to? I knew he  was a monster….

Anyway Nick gives Rachel a rose. One step closer to Bora Bora, Rachel.

The next day they go on a group date to the most haunted house in all of Louisiana. Great, Nick! Nothing says love like the restless dead.

Raven, my new bestie, is having none of this shit. “If we see a ghost, I’m gonna rebuke that thing in the name of Jesus, is what I’m gonna do. I’m not putting up with it.”

TEAM RAVEN FTW

The group has some mint juleps and are told that the most prominent ghost haunting the mansion is May, an eight-year-old girl who died of yellow fever and is now searching for her lost doll.  I’d be searching for anti-virals and a solid vaccine program, but whatever. Cut to a still image of a creepy eyeless doll and the host says “don’t touch that!”

You know, and here my first instinct upon FINDING A FUCKING EYELESS DOLL IN A HAUNED HOUSE IS TO PICK IT UP.  Of course they need to play with a Ouija board, the lights go out, and everyone screams.

A group of them go exploring and find out that DUN DUN DUN, the doll is now missing. Jasmine dismisses the whole thing as bullshit and probably falls asleep for awhile.

While Nick spends some individual time with each of the women, the others break off into groups and explore the dark mansion. There’s a lot of laughter and screaming, and honestly, it looks like an amazing time. The kind where you pee yourself a little, but amazing nonetheless.

At some point Raven tells Nick that she fell in love with him when he sang “Kiss the Girl” from The Little Mermaid. Now, this did NOT happen on camera and I’m super pissed off about that. Nick also doesn’t return her “I love you,” which is notable. To be fair, he might be trying to remember when he got blackout drunk enough to sing a song from The Little Mermaid.

At the end of the date, Nick gives the group date rose to Danielle M.

Raven’s gonna beat your ass with a shoe, dude.

The next date is the two-on-one date, during which two women go on a date with Nick at simultaneously–this time in the bayou. ONLY ONE WOMAN WILL RETURN!

Not because of murder, though. He’s supposed to eliminate one of them. And because the producers have led us to believe Taylor and Corinne hate each other, they are the participants. Taylor brings up emotional intelligence again. Everyone take a shot.

On a boat ride into the Bayou, Taylor says, “We’re like really gettin’ in the swamp today.”

“Oh we’re deep in the bayou,” Nick replies.

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.

After the boat ride they take a little hike (passing the vertebrae of some poor creature–no lie–WORST. DATE. EVER.) and come across a Voodoo priestess and a Reader. She leads them farther into the woods.

None of these people have listened to My Favorite Murder podcast because you STAY OUT OF THE WOODS. Especially woods that contain a mysterious spinal column.

During her reading, Taylor is told that there is a party present that is toxic and one that is emotionally intuitive. Taylor assumes Corinne is the toxic party, but c’mon, we all know it’s Nick right?

During her reading, Corinne asks for a Voodoo doll because why not?  During their alone time with Nick, each woman complains about the other which is not cool, you guys. Uteruses before Duderuses.

Then Nick sits down awkwardly at their table in the middle of the homicide-forest. He holds a rose carefully in front of him. He looks down, clearly overcome. The oysters are catching up with him.

He gives Corinne the rose which I TOTALLY COULD HAVE TOLD YOU because “the villain” stays till at least 5 women are left. Always. I bet she makes the top three.

He hugs Taylor goodbye and she’s left, presumably, to find her way back through the forest of terrifying skeletal remains alone. Classy, Nick. Real fucking classy.

BTW, I would totally read a book where Taylor lives in the bayou for awhile and murders people who look like Nick. I’d read that book like my goddamned life depended on it.

The Voodoo priestess cleanses Taylor though, so I guess that’s not going to happen. Bummer.

Then Corinne and Nick go to dinner BUT WHO SHOWS UP? TAYLOR! WITH AN AXE!

Just kidding. She doesn’t have an axe. But she tells Nick she needs to tell him something!

Cute TO BE CONTINUED…

What do you think of Taylor’s sudden appearance? Should she have stayed? Was Nick deceived?

This HaBO is from Jennifer. She’s hoping to find a historical romance from several decades ago:

The book I am trying to remember was from the late 1980s (sometime between 1986 and 1988, I think), and I remember buying it at my local CVS.

It was a Revolutionary War romance. The cover was of a dark-haired man and a red-haired woman. The main characters were Devon and Cassie, and Cassie worked in a tavern. Devon and his family were well-to-do on a farm in one of the colonies, and I remember there was some scandal involved. Then, he was fighting in the war and somehow she became an American spy involved in Washington’s Crossing of the Delaware. I think they end up being a happy colonial farming family after the war.

Anyone know this? The names are a huge help!

February is here! So give us all the new books, plzkthx! It’s a bit of a smaller month for the SBTB HQ’s book budget, but there are a handful of other books that we know a bunch of you are hearing about or are waiting to buy. Here are a few that are probably on your TBR lists, even if they aren’t on ours:

• A Conjuring of Light ( A | BN | K | iB ) is the third and final book in V.E. Schwab’s Shades of Magic series.
• The Hate U Give ( A | BN | K | iB ) by Angie Thomas is a book I’ve been seeing absolutely everywhere!
• Sawyer Bennett returns to her hockey heroes with Roman ( A | BN | K | iB ).
• The 44th (whoa!) book in the In Death series comes out – Echoes in Death ( A | BN | K | iB ) by J.D. Robb.
• The Duke ( A | BN | K | iB ) by Kerrigan Byrne is a crazysauce historical with amnesia!
• M. O’Keefe is back to her Everything I Left Unsaid series with Wait for It ( A | BN | K | G | ARe ).
• Beloved Beast ( A | BN | K | iB ) by Karyn Gerrard is a Beauty & the Beast WWII historical with a Frankenstein’s monster-esque hero.

Amberlough

Author: Lara Elena Donnelly
Released: February 7, 2017 by Tor Books
Genre: GLBT, Science Fiction/Fantasy

Le Carré meets Cabaret in this debut spy thriller as a gay double-agent schemes to protect his smuggler lover during the rise of a fascist government coup

Welcome to Amberlough City, the illustrious but corrupt cosmopolitan beacon of Gedda. The radical One State Party — nicknamed the Ospies — is gaining popular support to unite Gedda’s four municipal governments under an ironclad, socially-conservative vision.

Not everyone agrees with the Ospies’ philosophy, including master spy Cyril DePaul and his lover Aristide Makricosta, smuggler and emcee at the popular Bumble Bee Cabaret. When Cyril’s cover is blown on a mission, however, he must become a turncoat in exchange for his life. Returning to Amberlough under the Ospies’ watchful eye, Cyril enters a complex game of deception. One of his concerns is safeguarding Aristide, who refuses to let anyone – the crooked city police or the homophobic Ospies – dictate his life.

Enter streetwise Cordelia Lehane, top dancer at the Bee and Aristide’s runner, who could be the key to Cyril’s plans—if she can be trusted. As the twinkling lights of nightclub marquees yield to the rising flames of a fascist revolution, these three will struggle to survive using whatever means — and people — necessary. Including each other.

Amanda says: A gay double agent in what’s described as “Cabaret meets Le Carre.” Yes! Put this in my eyeballs!

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Empress of a Thousand Skies

Author: Rhoda Belleza
Released: February 7, 2017 by Razorbill
Genre: Science Fiction/Fantasy, Young Adult

For fans of Pierce Brown and Firefly comes an epic sci-fi fantasy that Kiersten White, author of And I Darken, calls “dazzling–an adventure as sweeping in scope as the galaxies it spans!”

Empress
Rhee, also known as Crown Princess Rhiannon Ta’an, is the sole surviving heir to a powerful dynasty. She’ll stop at nothing to avenge her family and claim her throne.

Fugitive
Aly has risen above his war refugee origins to find fame as the dashing star of a DroneVision show. But when he’s falsely accused of killing Rhee, he’s forced to prove his innocence to save his reputation – and his life.

Madman
With planets on the brink of war, Rhee and Aly are thrown together to confront a ruthless evil that threatens the fate of the entire galaxy.

Rhoda Belleza crafts a powerful saga of vengeance, warfare, and the true meaning of legacy in this exhilarating debut, perfect for readers of Marissa Meyer’s Lunar Chronicles and Jay Kristoff and Amie Kaufman’s Illuminae Files.

Amanda says: Not sure if this is going to be a series, but holy moly this sounds good.

Elyse says: Galactic empress heroine? Sign me up.

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Love and Gravity

Author: Samantha Sotto
Released: February 7, 2017 by Ballantine Books
Genre: Romance, Science Fiction/Fantasy, Time Travel

n this unforgettable novel for fans of One Day and The Time Traveler’s Wife, a young Isaac Newton falls in love with a girl living in modern-day San Francisco, defying the laws of physics to forge a seemingly impossible connection.
 
Andrea Louviere is seven years old the first time he appears. While she’s alone in her bedroom, practicing her beloved cello, the light shivers and a crack forms in the wall. Through the crack, she sees a candle, a window, a desk—and a boy. Though no sound travels through the wall, the boy clearly sees Andrea, too. And then, just as quickly as it opened, the crack closes, and he vanishes.

Over the years, summoning the bright, magnetic boy becomes something of an obsession for Andrea. Then, on her seventeenth birthday, she receives a three-hundred-year-old love letter from Isaac Newton. Andrea knows that Isaac will change the world with his groundbreaking discoveries; the letter tells Andrea that she will change him.

As Isaac’s letters intensify in passion and intimacy, Andrea grows determined to follow his clues to their shared destiny—despite a burgeoning romance in the present. Only when she discovers the way into Isaac’s time does Andrea realize that she faces a heartbreaking decision: between what was . . . and what might be.

Elyse says: A time travel romance with Isaac Newton as the hero.

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Tangled in Texas

Author: Kari Lynn Dell
Released: February 7, 2017 by Sourcebooks Casablanca
Genre: Western, Romance, Contemporary Romance
Series: Texas Rodeo #2

It took 32 seconds to end his career.
But it only took 1 to change his life.

Thirty-two seconds. That’s how long it took for Delon Sanchez’s life to end. One minute he was the best bronc rider in the Panhandle and the next he was nothing. Knee shattered, future in question, all he can do is pull together the pieces…and wonder what cruel trick of fate has thrown him into the path of his ex, the oh-so-perfect Tori Patterson.

Tori’s come home after her husband’s death, intent on escaping the public eye. It’s just her luck that Delon limps into her physical therapy office, desperate for help. All hard-packed muscle and dark-eyed temptation, he’s never been anything but a bad idea. And yet, seeing him again, Tori can’t remember what made her choose foolish pride over love…or why, with this second, final chance to right old wrongs, the smartest choice would be to run from this gorgeous rodeo boy as fast as her boots can take her.

Amanda says: This book came highly recommended from a fellow, trusted romance reader, so of course, I have to read it.

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Wintersong

Author: S. Jae-Jones
Released: February 7, 2017 by Thomas Dunne Books
Genre: Science Fiction/Fantasy, Young Adult

Beware the goblin men and the wares they sell.

All her life, nineteen-year-old Liesl has heard tales of the beautiful, mysterious Goblin King. He is the Lord of Mischief, the Ruler Underground, and the muse around which her music is composed. Yet, as Liesl helps shoulder the burden of running her family’s inn, her dreams of composition and childish fancies about the Goblin King must be set aside in favor of more practical concerns.

But when her sister Käthe is taken by the goblins, Liesl journeys to their realm to rescue her sister and return her to the world above. The Goblin King agrees to let Käthe go—for a price. The life of a maiden must be given to the land, in accordance with the old laws. A life for a life, he says. Without sacrifice, nothing good can grow. Without death, there can be no rebirth. In exchange for her sister’s freedom, Liesl offers her hand in marriage to the Goblin King. He accepts.

Down in the Underground, Liesl discovers that the Goblin King still inspires her—musically, physically, emotionally. Yet even as her talent blossoms, Liesl’s life is slowly fading away, the price she paid for becoming the Goblin King’s bride. As the two of them grow closer, they must learn just what it is they are each willing to sacrifice: her life, her music, or the end of the world.

Amanda says: It’s a Labyrinth retelling! Leave me alone with this book!

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Winter of the Gods

Author: Jordanna Max Brodsky
Released: February 14, 2017 by Orbit
Genre: Science Fiction/Fantasy, Urban Fantasy
Series: Olympus Bound #2

Manhattan has many secrets. Some are older than the city itself.

Winter in New York: snow falls, lights twinkle, and a very disgruntled Selene DiSilva prowls the streets, knowing that even if she doesn’t look for trouble, it always finds her.

When a dead body is discovered sprawled atop Wall Street’s iconic Charging Bull statue, it’s up to Selene to hunt down the perpetrators. Her ancient skills make her the only one who can track a conspiracy that threatens the very existence of the gods, Selene – once known as Artemis – among them.

Winter of the Gods is the much-anticipated new novel from the author of The Immortals.

Sarah says: The first one was so difficult to put down: , and I’m almost ready to block off days in a row to read this one.

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Pretty Face

Author: Lucy Parker
Released: February 20, 2017 by Carina Press
Genre: Romance, Contemporary Romance

Highly acclaimed, award-winning author of Act Like It Lucy Parker returns readers to the London stage with laugh-out-loud wit and plenty of drama

The play’s the fling

It’s not actress Lily Lamprey’s fault that she’s all curves and has the kind of voice that can fog up a camera lens. She wants to prove where her real talents lie—and that’s not on a casting couch, thank you. When she hears esteemed director Luc Savage is renovating a legendary West End theater for a lofty new production, she knows it could be her chance—if only Luc wasn’t so dictatorial, so bad-tempered and so incredibly sexy.

Luc Savage has respect, integrity and experience. He also has it bad for Lily. He’d be willing to dismiss it as a midlife crisis, but this exasperating, irresistible woman is actually a very talented actress. Unfortunately, their romance is not only raising questions about Lily’s suddenly rising career, it’s threatening Luc’s professional reputation. The course of true love never did run smooth. But if they’re not careful, it could bring down the curtain on both their careers…

Sarah says: Obviously.

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Devil in Spring

Author: Lisa Kleypas
Released: February 21, 2017 by Avon
Genre: Romance, Historical: European
Series: The Ravenels #3

An eccentric wallflower…

Most debutantes dream of finding a husband. Lady Pandora Ravenel has different plans. The ambitious young beauty would much rather stay at home and plot out her new board game business than take part in the London Season. But one night at a glittering society ball, she’s ensnared in a scandal with a wickedly handsome stranger.

A cynical rake…

After years of evading marital traps with ease, Gabriel, Lord St. Vincent, has finally been caught-by a rebellious girl who couldn’t be less suitable. In fact, she wants nothing to do with him. But Gabriel finds the high-spirited Pandora irresistible. He’ll do whatever it takes to possess her, even if their marriage of convenience turns out to be the devil’s own bargain.

A perilous plot…

After succumbing to Gabriel’s skilled and sensuous persuasion, Pandora agrees to become his bride. But soon she discovers that her entrepreneurial endeavors have accidentally involved her in a dangerous conspiracy-and only her husband can keep her safe. As Gabriel protects her from their unknown adversaries, they realize their devil’s bargain may just turn out to be a match made in heaven…

Elyse says: Do I really need to explain this one?

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Royally Matched

Author: Emma Chase
Released: February 21, 2017 by Emma Chase LLC.
Genre: Romance, Contemporary Romance
Series: Royally #2

Some men are born responsible, some men have responsibility thrust upon them. Henry John Edgar Thomas Pembrook, Prince of Wessco, just got the motherlode of all responsibility dumped in his regal lap.

He’s not handling it well.

Hoping to force her grandson to rise to the occasion, Queen Lenora goes on a much-needed safari holiday—and when the Queen’s away, the Prince will play. After a chance meeting with an American television producer, Henry finally makes a decision all on his own:

Welcome to Matched: Royal Edition.

A reality TV dating game show featuring twenty of the world’s most beautiful blue bloods gathered in the same castle. Only one will win the diamond tiara, only one will capture the handsome prince’s heart.

While Henry revels in the sexy, raunchy antics of the contestants as they fight, literally, for his affection, it’s the quiet, bespectacled girl in the corner—with the voice of an angel and a body that would tempt a saint—who catches his eye.

The more Henry gets to know Sarah Mirabelle Zinnia Von Titebottum, the more enamored he becomes of her simple beauty, her strength, her kind spirit… and her naughty sense of humor.

But Rome wasn’t built in a day—and irresponsible royals aren’t reformed overnight.

As he endeavors to right his wrongs, old words take on whole new meanings for the dashing Prince. Words like, Duty, Honor and most of all—Love.

Amanda says: I’ve been on a royal kick. I love Chase’s writing and I’m really interested in the heroine after meeting her in the previous book.

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I See You

Author: Clare Mackintosh
Released: February 21, 2017 by Berkley
Genre: Mystery/Thriller

The author of the smash bestseller, I Let You Go, propels readers into a dark and claustrophobic thriller, in which a normal, everyday woman becomes trapped in the confines of her normal, everyday world…

Every morning and evening, Zoe Walker takes the same route to the train station, waits at a certain place on the platform, finds her favorite spot in the car, never suspecting that someone is watching her…

It all starts with a classified ad. During her commute home one night, while glancing through her local paper, Zoe sees her own face staring back at her, a grainy photo along with a phone number and listing for a website called findtheone.com.

Other women begin appearing in the same ad, a different one every day, and Zoe realizes they’ve become the victims of increasingly violent crimes—including rape and murder. With the help of a determined cop, she uncovers the ad’s twisted purpose…a discovery that turns her paranoia into full-blown panic. For now Zoe is sure that someone close to her has set her up as the next target.

And now that man on the train—the one smiling at Zoe from across the car—could be more than just a friendly stranger. He could be someone who has deliberately chosen her and is ready to make his next move…

Elyse says: A psychological thriller about our increasing lack of digital privacy.

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Passion Favors the Bold

Author: Theresa Romain
Released: February 28, 2017 by Zebra
Genre: Romance, Historical: European
Series: The Royal Rewards Duo #2

DESPERATE MEASURES
Georgette Frost’s time is almost up. On her twenty-first birthday, the protections outlined in her late parents’ will are set to expire. With prospects for employment or marriage unfavorable at best, she decides to leave London and join her brother, Benedict, on a treasure hunt for gold sovereigns stolen from the Royal Mint.

DANGEROUS LIAISONS
Lord Hugo Starling has always felt protective of his friend Benedict’s sister, Georgette. So when he discovers her dressed in ragged boy’s clothes, about to board a coach for parts unknown, he feels duty bound to join her search. But mystery piles upon mystery as they cross England together, not least of which is the confounded attraction between them. As Georgette leads him to a reward he never expected, Hugo realizes he’s embarked upon the adventure of a lifetime…

Sarah says: Heist, adventure, heroine avoiding marital limitations – HERE HERE HERE MINE GIMME.

Elyse says: REGENCY TREASURE HUNT!

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Till Death

Author: Jennifer Armentrout
Released: February 28, 2017 by William Morrow
Genre: Romance, Romantic Suspense, Mystery/Thriller

In New York Times bestselling author Jennifer L. Armentrout’s gripping new novel, a young woman comes home to reclaim her life—even as a murderer plots to end it. . .

It’s been ten years since Sasha Keaton left her West Virginia hometown . . . since she escaped the twisted serial killer known as the Groom. Returning to help run her family inn means being whole again, except for one missing piece. The piece that falls into place when Sasha’s threatened—and FBI agent Cole Landis vows to protect her the way he couldn’t a decade ago.

First one woman disappears; then another, and all the while, disturbing calling cards are left for the sole survivor of the Groom’s reign of terror. Cole’s never forgiven himself for not being there when Sasha was taken, but he intends to make up for it now . . . because under the quirky sexiness Cole first fell for is a steely strength that only makes him love Sasha more.

But someone is watching. Waiting. And Sasha’s first mistake could be her last.

Elyse says: I’m a sucker for a serial killer plot.

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February has begun and we’re taking 2017 one month at a time! Below, we have some site reminders, a piece of news from RWA, and to cap things off…a really cute, baby animal!

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For those living in or near Columbia, South Carolina, Sarah is going to be at the Deckle Edge Literary Festival. We’re reasonably sure that the event is free. Yep, that’s right. FREE! There’s going to be a special screening of Love Between the Covers with an awesome panel discussion. If you can make it, be sure to stop by and say hello!

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For those who haven’t heard, the New York Times has done away with their mass market and e-book bestseller lists. RWA has issued an official open letter to the NYT:

Romance authors, most of them women, have dominated the best-seller lists in mass market and e-books for years. To dismiss these authors and the millions of readers who buy their books is to ignore what “bestseller” truly means. Each year, consumers buy more than $1.3 billion worth of romance fiction. If the New York Times eliminates the mass market and e-book lists, they are proving that they are out of touch with what consumers actually buy. Further, the dismissal of two formats dominated by women can’t help but feel sexist.

With very little coverage in “mainstream media” going to romance, this is really a shame to see the already small portion of that coverage dwindle even further.

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It’s our anniversary! Smart Bitches Trashy Books has been around for twelve amazing years, and to celebrate, we’re hosting a giveaway! Thanks so much for visiting the site and being part of this great community.

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If you’re still on a high from the recent marches or if you’re looking for ways to continue fighting the good fight, Jezebel has compiled a list of organizations that could use your help. Definitely read the comments on this one for more suggestions!

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USB Wall Outlet Adaptors!

What do we want? More USB ports! Where do we want them? EVERYWHERE!

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And lastly, as promised, an adorable little sloth named B-Rad.

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Don’t forget to share what super cool things you’ve seen, read, or listened to this week! And if you have anything you think we’d like to post on a future Wednesday Links, send it my way!

It’s Smart Bitches Book Club selection time! As I mentioned earlier this month, we’re going to be alternating Movie Matinee selections with Book Club selections this year. And the Smart Bitches Book Club will be a mix of new and older titles so as to increase the likelihood that the books we’re discussing will be in your local library.

A | BN | K | iB

This YA romance was published in 2014, and it’s appeared on many recommendation lists since then. Here’s the cover copy:

What if all the crushes you ever had found out how you felt about them…all at once?

Sixteen-year-old Lara Jean Song keeps her love letters in a hatbox her mother gave her. They aren’t love letters that anyone else wrote for her; these are ones she’s written. One for every boy she’s ever loved—five in all. When she writes, she pours out her heart and soul and says all the things she would never say in real life, because her letters are for her eyes only. Until the day her secret letters are mailed, and suddenly, Lara Jean’s love life goes from imaginary to out of control.

I have heard a number of people suggest that it helps to write letters you never send to process emotions. Now I’m going to paranoid even thinking about writing a letter, let alone five.

I hope whether you’ve already read this book or been curious about it, you’ll give it a try!

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before ( A | BN | K | G | iB | Au | WorldCat ) is available at all vendors. And, given that it was a bestseller, it should be available at most libraries! It’s also currently on sale for $2.99!

Join us Monday February 27 at 8:30pm ET for our live book club chat! We’ll all be here in a live text window talking about the book and our experiences with it. And if you remember the book club chats from prior years, you’ll know we bring beverages and the silliness increases as the discussion goes on.

Happy reading – and see you on the 27th!

Habitica

For those who have mastered the to-do list or want to add some extra incentive to getting shit done, Habitica is a great way to game-ify your tasks and responsibilities. I’ve been using it for about six months and I absolutely love it.

Habitica is most reminiscent of an RPG. You pick a class, get gear, level up, and distribute stat points. I primarily use their website, though I also have their app for checking things off on the go.

The four classes you can choose from once you reach level ten are warrior, rogue, mage, and healer. Each has their own benefits. A mage can cast spells to “freeze” your current daily tasks, so you don’t get penalized for not doing them. Rogues have increased perception to help them find items for quests or obtain things like pet eggs and food. Each level gives you a stat point to invest into your character’s strength, intelligence, perception, and constitution. Like I said, for those who play RPGs, all these things will seem pretty familiar to you.

Habitica motivates you by rewarding you for completing your tasks. You gain experience, gold (Habitica currency that you can use to buy things like equipment), and other random items like pet eggs and food. I really love this aspect of Habitica. As someone who will play RPGs until her eyes begin to cross, the “luck” aspect of getting a cool item makes checking things off pretty addicting.

In terms of the “list” elements, there are three categories: Habits, Dailies, and To-Dos. The To-Do column works exactly like a to-do list. Have errands you need to accomplish? Put them here! Habits are a way to reward good behavior. I have habits for exercising, reading, and even refreshing my Little Free Library.

Lastly, the Dailies column is for things you do on a routine basis. You can set the task to be done every day or things on a certain day of the week. For example, I have to check book sales for SBTB every day, but setting up the SBTB books on sale newsletter is a Friday task. In the Dailies column, I’m able to set the frequency for tasks and on what days they need to be accomplished. For Dailies in particular, the more times the finish a task in a row, you get a “streak.” Forget to do a daily and the streak resets to zero. Your tasks are also completely private. If someone views your profile, all they’ll see is your avatar and character stats.

Habitica also has quests! Mainly, these quests give special pet rewards like unicorn and t-rex eggs, which can turn into pets and even mounts. Thankfully, these quests can be done solo (for us introverts out there) or with a group. Some colleagues at Book Riot started a Habitica group, so we often do quests together and it really holds us accountable.

The quests come in two types: drop quests and boss quests. In order to complete a “drop quest,” you have to collect certain items. Those items are “dropped” randomly by completing a task. You can take different steps to increase your chances of obtaining coveted items.

Boss quests rely on doing damage to a menacing creature. Completing tasks increases the amount of damage you do. Forgetting to complete daily will result in the creature attacking you and you’ll lose some health. If you’re in a group, anyone who forgets a daily will result in the entire group losing health. So it’s to everyone’s best interest to encourage your groupmates!

There are also community-wide tasks you can participate in! The most recent one I can think of is an initiative to promote mental wellness. Habitica encouraged users to add a daily where you write down one thing you were thankful for that day. And don’t worry, Habitica will keep you updated on site events every couple weeks; you won’t miss anything.

If you’re curious about the companion animals you’re able to get, there are wolves, tigers, pandas, lions, foxes, flying pigs, dragons, cacti, and bears.

The potions, which determine an animal’s color, start with their base color — white, desert, red, black, skeleton, zombie, pink, baby blue, and gold. So, if you want a red wolf, hatch the wolf egg with the red potion. To turn your red wolf into a mount, feed it red foods (strawberries). Through quests and holiday events, you can earn special eggs (unicorns, hedgehogs, etc) and special color potions (purple, peppermint, etc). There are so many combinations and I’m definitely determined to hatch them all!

Admittedly, once you get to a certain level (I’m level 75), the new stuff is limited to doing quests to get new eggs. But you’re also racking up items you no longer need. I wish there were something you could do with the excess items you have. It’s minor grievance, though, and I’m confident Habitica will come up with some fix for this. They’re constantly adding new features and updating the way things work.

If you’re a list maker like me but want a fun incentive to completing tasks aside from just the self-satisfaction of crossing something off a list, give Habitica a try. I know it seems intimidating, but the learning curve it really easy and they walk you through all the basics. For anything you’re unsure about, Habitica also has a helpful Wiki and a Reddit subthread for things that may not seem apparent. If you give it a try, let me know how you like it! You can find me on Habitica under the name ImAnAdult!