The Château de Chenonceau in the Loire Valley in France is a haven of art and glamour and formal gardens. It’s also a place rich in history, and its history is dominated by women. The site as we know it was constructed under the watchful eye of Katherine Briçonnet starting in 1513, and since then the castle has been the site of forbidden romance, revenge, intellectual and artistic growth, and rebellion.

The  château has such a rich and amazing history that I’m just going to mention some highlights, ones that might fit quite nicely into a romance novel or novel of historical fiction. Behold some of the different faces of the  Château de Chenonceau:

1. The Love Triangle Château

Henry II was madly in love with his mistress, Diane de Poitiers. Not content to woo her with flowers and candy, he gave her the château in 1535. Since Henry’s wife, Catherine de Medici, wanted it for herself, this was incredibly tactless, but when it came to Diane, Henry was not a tactful guy. Diane was a pivotal figure in the chateau’s history. She ordered its famous bridge to be built across the Cern River and oversaw the planting of the gardens and orchards.

When Henry II died in 1559, he left behind his very annoyed widow, Catherine, who is rumored to have had the motto “Hate and Wait.” She seized the castle from Diane, although she gave Diane a different one (under the circumstances, that seems generous of her, although apparently Diane was not fond of her new place).

Catherine loved the château and she liked outdoing her romantic rival. She funded a huge expansion of the buildings and gardens and hosted France’s first fireworks display there. As Queen, Catherine had had very little power, but as Queen Regent after Henry’s death, she became incredibly powerful, and notorious, in the political life of Europe.

2. The Haunted Gothic Castle of The White-Robed Tragic Heroine

I haven’t actually heard that the castle is haunted, but I’m sure it is, based on the fact that it was owned for quite some time by Louise of Lorraine, Catherine de Medici’s daughter-in-law. [Note: in the case of The Château de Chenonceau, the words ‘castle’ and ‘château’ seem to be used interchangeably depending on who is writing about the location].

Louise had the suckiest life that a person could have and still be rich. Her parents died when she was a baby and she was an unloved orphan who was told to stay out of the way. Henry III proposed to her because she looked like Henry’s recently dead true love, Marie de Clèves. She wasn’t interested in politics and she couldn’t have children, which led to immense depression and stress for her. She did seem genuinely fond of her husband, however.

In 1589, Henry III was assassinated. Louise spent the rest of her days wearing white, the traditional mourning color for French queens. “The White Queen” wandered the halls of Château de Chenonceau, which she draped with black tapestries embroidered with bones. If the idea of an emotionally wrenching, white-clad tragic figure wandering castle hallways between black skeleton tapestries doesn’t scream “HAUNTING” I don’t know what does.

3. The  Château of Very Smart People

The château changed hands a few times before being sold to Claude Dupin in 1733. His wife, Louise Dupin, used the estate to host literary salons. These salons attracted all the great thinkers of the Enlightenment including authors, philosophers, and naturalists. Jean-Jacques Rousseau was Louise’s secretary, and Voltaire was a frequent guest.

During the French Revolution, Louise saved the château by pointing out that the bridge was the only bridge across the Cher River for many miles and thus was indispensable.

4. The Castle of WWI Nursing and WWII Resistance

During WWI, the castle was owned by the Menier family, who had built a hugely successful chocolate business. During WWI, they turned the castle into a hospital. If you are thinking of writing a romance about a sexy WWI nurse and her sexy patient, here’s your setting.

In WWII, the line between Nazi Occupied France and Free France ran along the Cher River – the river that the castle is built on. Part of the castle was in German territory but the end of the gallery was in Free France.

German guards patrolled the castle grounds, but Simone Menier smuggled Jewish and French people through the castle to safety. The château was bombed by Germans in 1940 and Allies in 1944.

Today you can visit the château and take a variety of tours including a night walk of the illuminated gardens. You can also explore the hedge maze, and for a fee you can take any number of tours inside the buildings.

These links have details, and so many photos!

Chenonceau Website

Wikipedia

Two in France.com.au

Google Arts and Culture

Happy Sunday! We have more Lightning Reviews this week! Yay! This time, we have quite the selection. Sarah reviews a funny, nonfiction book about travel. Elyse, of course, picks up a thriller. And Carrie reads a nonfiction title about a group of women at Harvard!

Squee from the Keeper Shelf is a new feature wherein we share why we love the books we love, specifically the stories which are permanent residents of our Keeper shelves. Despite flaws, despite changes in age and perspective, despite the passage of time, we love particular books beyond reason, and the only thing better than re-reading them is telling other people about them. At length.

If you’d like to submit your reasons for loving and keeping a particular book for Squee from the Keeper Shelf, please email Sarah!

…

The Princess Bride is my favorite book in the world. Let me explain.

No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

The “Squee from the Keeper Shelf” series is about books that will always have a place on our shelves, regardless of time or cross-country moves or the advent of e-books. The books that are falling to pieces but that we can’t bear to give away, that we keep in the same place on the bookshelf so we can always find them quickly, that have a piece of our hearts in their well-worn pages.

The Princess Bride has five places on my shelves. There’s the first copy I picked up in eighth grade, the one that convinced me of a small European country called Florin where I could somehow find S. Morgenstern’s unabridged copy of his masterpiece, the one whose map has long since fallen out but not been lost over the last 16 years.

There’s the Spanish translation that I picked up during my summer spent studying in southern Spain, still the only book I’ve managed to read cover to cover in my second language.

There’s the one I’ve never read past the title page because it’s the one my best friend got William Goldman to sign when he visited her college.

There’s the one that’s the movie tie-in, picked up in some small used bookstore because I’m always on the hunt for old copies of the book in the hopes of one day finding a copy with the lurid 1970s cover.

And finally there’s the copy I actually read. This is the copy that’s travelled with me to Venezuela where I read it under the table during a five hour Orthodox seder dinner. It came with me to Peru where my fellow volunteers tested my claim that I had memorized the first three pages of the book (spoiler alert: I had). It lived in my bookbag during my sophomore year of college, when I first struggled with anxiety and depression, when the sight of me reading it signalled to my friends that “I’m fine” meant that I wasn’t. It travelled to grad school and back, tucked into my computer bag with my Kindle for fear that it might not make it in a box with my other books.

The Princess Bride came with me to my first job in a science lab right before college, when the scientist in charge of the intern program told me that I should stop reading it in the cafeteria and instead make friends with the male intern in my lab since he could be my boss one day. It came with me in my purse to my first job after getting my PhD, where I read it nervously in the bathroom because I arrived too early, and where my boss introduced me as “Dr. Ppyajunebug” to my colleagues.

When I open this copy of The Princess Bride, it naturally falls open to my favorite parts. Most often, it opens near the beginning to the most romantic scene in the whole book. Westley and Buttercup, having just admitted their love to each other, are saying farewell. Westley is a poor farm boy, you see, and he needs to go to America to seek his fortune (as Goldman reminds us, this is just after America and long after fortunes). He is turning to go, afraid of being late for his ship, “and the words rip out of her: ‘Without one kiss?’” The book falls open to this scene not because of the drama and romance of this scene of two lovers falling into each other’s arms, but because of the passage that comes right afterwards:

There have been five great kisses since 1642 B.C., when Saul and Delilah Korn’s inadvertent discovery swept across Western civilization. (Before then, couples hooked thumbs.) And the precise rating of kisses is a terribly difficult thing, often leading to great controversy, because although everyone agrees with the formula of affection times purity times intensity times duration, no one has ever been completely satisfied with how much weight each element should receive. But on any system, there are five that everyone agree deserve full marks.

Well, this one left them all behind

This book is funny. The movie is funny as hell, of course, but the book is funny in a darker, sharper way. It needles at the cliches of fairy tale romance and sweeping epics while creating some of the most memorable characters in popular culture. In the book, Fezzik is more lovable, Inigo more tormented, Westley more bitingly sarcastic and swashbuckling. And then there’s Buttercup, who admits to not being the brightest bulb, but refusing to apologize for making a practical choice once she thought her true love was dead. The movie makes nods at this part of her character, but the book puts us inside the head of the most beautiful woman in the world, both when she grieves and she rejoices.

There are many books that qualify for my keeper shelf, all of which have affected my life in different ways and made me who I am. But I chose The Princess Bride because no other book has genuinely changed the course of my life. Over ten years ago, I went to a summer writing camp at a small college in the Midwest. While there, I met the very first person who had read The Princess Bride on top of seeing the movie. One of our very first conversations was about how we wished Buttercup had been just a little bit smarter, that there wasn’t so much of the “dumb pretty girl” trope in the story. We have been best friends ever since. If it wasn’t for this book, I wouldn’t have ten years of late night IM/GChat/Facebook Messenger conversations charting our evolution from high school seniors to working adults. If it wasn’t for this book, I wouldn’t have had her to convince me to try reading a romance novel for the first time. If it wasn’t for this book, I wouldn’t have had a reason to fly cross-country on my last spring break and see a new off-Broadway show called Hamilton. If it wasn’t for this book, I wouldn’t have my best friend.

There are many books on my keeper shelf. This one – well, this one leaves them all behind.

The Princess Bride comes from Ppyajunebug’s Keeper Shelf! Ppyajunebug is a scientist, feminist, and fandom enthusiast with strong opinions about literally everything. She makes liberal use of the all-caps button on Twitter.

The transcript for Podcast 229. Romance, Dating, and Very Real Expectations: An Interview with Alisha Rai has been posted!

This podcast transcript was handcrafted with meticulous skill by Garlic Knitter. Many thanks.

❤ Click here to subscribe to The Podcast →

The transcript for Podcast 230. Anxiety, Social Media, and Tracking the Things You Love has been posted!

This podcast transcript was handcrafted with meticulous skill by Garlic Knitter. Many thanks.

❤ Click here to subscribe to The Podcast →

This HaBO is from Rose. She wants to find a steamy historical romance (NSFW description, ahoy):

I’ve been looking for a book I read at least 5-10 years ago. I was hoping I may have been able to find this book without having to make a specific request, but alas I have had no luck. Here’s hoping someone will recognize this.

I’m pretty sure it was a regency style romance, and the hero was a viscount. There was a scene in the book where the heroine was I believe in a brothel (having been kidnapped and auctioned off or some such thing) and the hero is put in the position of not wanting to “take advantage of her,” but also having to fulfill some commitment from having bought her (maybe having to show proof of his conquest, blood on the sheets, etc). So he decides to use a dildo to pleasure the heroine. She may or may not have been tied. I’m fairly sure she did not realize who had bought her, although they were not strangers.

I think the book had blue on the cover (doesn’t help much and may be a false memory).

I thought it may be Tempting Fortune by Jo Beverley, but having found the scene after the auction, and that is definitely not the book I’m looking for.

I’m pretty positive that someone knows this one.

Previously on Elyse Watches the Bachelor…

Last week on The Bachelor Nick Viall went on a one-on-one date with Vanessa, kissed her AFTER she threw up, thereby making me almost throw up, he sent home Dominque after she complained that he wasn’t paying attention to her, and Corinne (now obviously typecast as “the villain”) rented a bouncy castle. The episode ended with Vanessa calling Nick out on his playboy ways (while awesomely making  a point of not slut-shaming the other women).

Pour yourself an adult beverage and join me as we journey with twenty-ish (don’t make me count) women as they search for love with this guy:

LOLOLOL KIDDING. We’re here for the awesome ladies, the exotic travel, the free booze, and the meet and greets with The Backstreet Boys.

On with the show!

The episode opens up fresh on the drama from last week. Many of the women aren’t happy that Nick elected to dry hump Corinne in the bouncy castle during a pool party.  I went to Google the hourly rental rate of a bouncy castle, prepared to contend that if you shell out X number of dollars for an inflatable palace you get to do whatever you want with it, and Google immediately auto-filled with this:

Canada, why the fuck do you need so many bouncy castles?!

Anyway, Vanessa calls Nick on his bullshit asking, “Are you looking for a wife or just someone to fuck around with?”

To which Nick sagely replies, “Like. I don’t know.”

Taylor and Sarah sit down with Corinne and tell her that many of the women don’t like her approach to wooing Nick. I think this is really just a reflection of the fact that, among a diverse cast of women, there will be varying degrees of comfort regarding sexuality.

Corinne knows this. She acknowledges that she’s not everyone’s “cup of tea” and says, “You do you, girl. Imma do me.”

Right on, Corinne. Right on.

Then Chris Harrison appears out of the bushes where he definitely wasn’t just masturbating to announce that it’s time for the Dreaded Rose Ceremony!

Now that Corinne has been cast as “the villain” we know she’ll hang around till there are, at the most, five women left. So when it comes down to Corinne, Christen and Brittany, we know that Corinne is safe.

I love that when it’s down to the last rose people, Chris Harrison steps out and says,  “Ladies. Nick. We’re down to the final rose tonight.”

LIKE WE CAN’T FUCKING COUNT CHRIS.

The next morning Chris Harrison reappears, reminds the women that they’re down to 15 now (thanks for counting bro) and tells them to pack their bags because it’s time to globe trot with Nick!

All the women scream.

Chris tells them they will be going to Nick’s hometown of Milwaukee, WI!

The mood dampens considerably.

Look, I love Milwaukee. I almost got kicked out of a Brewers game there because of a headband made out of pink dildos. I love eating at the Public Market, I took art classes for years at MIAD, and I will fight you for that last slice of Mama Mia’s lasagna. Milwaukee has beautiful Little Yarn Stores and The Boswell Book Company. But yeah, when you’ve been expecting Tahiti, Milwaukee will be a little bit of a let down.

They do get to stay in a new McMansion on the shore of Lake Michigan though (don’t go into the lake, girls. It’s fucking freezing. Even in July).

Danielle L gets the first one-on-one date with Nick. He takes her on a tour of his hometown of Waukesha (a suburb of Milwaukee) where he points out the library, “See the library over there? I used to hang out at the library. But not to study, I just used to like, make out with girls.”

There’s a shocking confession.

They go to a small bakery where they decorate cookies and share a very frosting-y kiss.  Then while walking through downtown they “conveniently” run into one of Nick’s ex’s, Amber.

Danielle L asks Amber why she thinks Nick is still on the market. My husband, Dewey and I held our collective breath, waiting for Amber to say something about his penis. Instead she says that Nick really feels things with his heart.

Cool. I feel things with my hands, generally speaking.

Then Nick and Danielle go to some hill outside a school where they make out and Nick confesses that he once made locker shelves to get a kiss from a girl. That feels oddly specific. Like was there a run on locker shelves that they become a precious commodity in 1998 or…?

Cut to a commercial for The Space Between Us, a movie about a guy WHO LEAVES MARS TO MEET A GIRL. Really makes your locker shelf story look sad, Nick.

Regardless, Danielle L gets a rose at the end of the date and they attend a Chris Lane concert.

The next group date takes place at a farm because Wisconsin. The ladies are surprised at the fact that farms, generally speaking, do not smell good. Now I personally think the smell of manure is lot less offensive than other things, but I drive through a lot of Dairyland every day.

Cut to Nick bottle feeding baby cows, which makes everyone’s ovaries explode. Everyone except Corinne, who, blessedly honest, isn’t feeling it.

Nick admits that he’s a city boy, but some real farmers show up and we know they’re from WI because they pronounce “milk” as “melk.” They tell the ladies it’s time to do some chores. Of course they have to milk a cow, and Nick doesn’t even warm up his hands first! You always say nice things to the cow, tell her she’s a pretty cow, a very good cow, a very smart cow who clearly could break the glass ceiling of any steer-dominated industry, then you warm up your hands, then you milk the cows. I could milk a cow in my sleep. For the record, Jaimi nails it.

Then we’re on to shoveling shit–and isn’t that a fitting metaphor for the show. There’s a lot of dry heaving. One of the women observes sarcastically, “I’m so happy I missed The Backstreet Boys for this.”

Corinne laments, “Dude. I need sushi.”

I just feel like Corrine gets me.

During the “cocktail party” of the date, the ladies and Nick go the Paine Art Center in my hometown. As a teenager I used to walk around that building and pretend I was a Regency debutante. There’s some bickering between Corinne and the other women, and then Nick gives Kristina the group date rose.

The next one-on-one date is with Raven where they hang out with Nick’s little sister, Bella, and her soccer team. After the game, the kids invite Nick and Raven to go to Skateland, a roller rink, with them. I bet the middle school girls were SUPER excited to have some producer yell at them: “Get in the shot with Nick! SMILE MORE! MAKE IT LOOK WHOLESOME!”

Remember going to the skate park as a kid? Remember how there was always this guy who was too old to be there by himself? And he always skated around in cut-off jean shorts? Our skate park had orange carpeting on the walls, which in retrospect had to be a horrifying fire code violation.

On the dinner portion of their date, Raven confesses to Nick that her last relationship ended due to infidelity. Ominous music plays in the background while she describes speeding to Little Rock, opening the door to their house, finding the bedroom door locked, KICKING IT OPEN LIKE A TOTAL BADASS, and catching her boyfriend on top of another woman. She fucking throws her then boyfriend off the other woman, picks up a stiletto heel off the ground, and beats her boyfriend with it.

HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.

You can see Nick crap his pants as Raven retells this story while making DIRECT FUCKING EYE CONTACT the entire time.

Raven is my new favorite. Sorry Alexis.

Nick, in terror for his life, gives Raven a rose with a shaking hand.

Then it’s on to the pre-Dreaded Rose Ceremony cocktail party. Sparks fly between Corinne and Taylor. Taylor, a therapist, gives Corinne some advice that would normally cost hundreds of dollars regarding self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Taylor’s concern is that Corinne is too young and carefree to throw her life away on a guy like Nick. I mean, she doesn’t say that but the subtext is there.

At this point we’re both sauced and Rich, my husband, says “Wouldn’t it be hilarious if one of the Crows was on The Bachelor?” Hilarious? Yes, but we’d never see the footage because you can’t air violence like that on TV.

ABC cuts us off at Taylor and Corinne sparring, but does show a great clip of Nick talking to Alexis about how he dreams about ghosts sometimes. Alexis confesses that her two biggest fears are “Nicholas Cage, the actor, and aliens.”

DUDE THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE TO ME.

So what do you think of the Taylor/Corinne feud? And more importantly, do you think any of the ladies could withstand a Wisconsin winter?

This HaBO request comes from Sarah (not our Sarah), who is hoping to find what sounds like a contemporary romance:

I’m looking for a romance novel about a surrogate mother. In the book, the guy doesn’t know who she is, but she decides that she doesn’t want to give the baby up anymore and he is fighting through legal channels to find out the woman’s identity (something about a subpoena). The guy ends up meeting a pregnant woman, not knowing that she is the one carrying his baby, and begins to fall in love with her. ‎In the end I think he does discover that it’s her and it all works out.

I’m pretty sure that the guy in the story had dark hair, and maybe was rich.

Whoa, buddy. This sounds like a doozy.

NB: This guest review is by Catherine Heloise! Previously, Catherine ranted about Shakespearean rockstars and loved Chase Me by Laura Florand. She also runs the Stories Under Paris website, which creates fictional stories based on the names of Paris Metro stations. How cool is that!

…

A Crown of Bitter Orange is a sweet, gentle story, full of personal, family and regional history. It’s the third novel in Laura Florand’s La Vie en Roses series, and centres on the youngest of the Rosier cousins, Tristan. I have seen Tristan breezing through the background of the other Rosier cousins’ stories, and so I know already that he is the perfumer and artist of the family, the most charming and easygoing of the five cousins and, as is traditional, the best at winding up his older cousins – for their own good, of course.

The Rosier family is an old Provence family – local royalty of sorts, though they like to think of themselves as peasants – who have been growing roses, jasmine, and other aromatic flowers in Provence since the middle ages. More recently, the family – specifically the grandfather and adoptive great aunt of the cousins who are at the centre of this series – were key players in the local chapter of the French Resistance in the Second World War. While this might seem like a long time ago, this history and the feelings that go with it are still very much alive, not least for Malorie Monsard, whose great-grandfather betrayed three of the Rosiers’ friends to the Gestapo, and whose family has been in a downward spiral ever since.

Malorie is back in Grasse for the first long visit since she left as a teenager, and she is there to deal with her grandmother’s legacy – the Monsard perfume house that was so important to the region before the war, and which has been decaying since. Her grandmother had put the company to sleep, and it is up to Malorie to decide whether to let it lapse or wake it up again. This being Florand, there are a lot of Sleeping Beauty and Snow White references in the story, though if anything, the sleeping Princess is not Malorie, but the family perfume house, or perhaps the orchard.

Malorie herself is an accountant, and not just any accountant, but the one who ‘smashed Tristan’s life into pieces on the floor’ by insisting that his perfume, Fugace, was not economically viable unless he substituted some of his scents for less expensive sources, or even synthetics. The horror!

Fugace was beautiful. It could have changed the entire perfume industry. Changed the lives of people who wore it, changed the lives of people who met the people who wore it. And you sliced its heart out surgically and replaced it with a pig’s. To save money.

(Incidentally, one thing I like – and find hilarious – about Tristan is that he is so bitter and melodramatic about this – when he remembers to be. Which isn’t all that often, for a life-ruining experience, because Tristan lives in the moment and in his senses, is easily distracted, and is thus terrible at brooding. I do like a non-brooding hero.)

But there is more to Malorie and Tristan’s history than the ill-fated Fugace perfume. They are the same age, and went to school together from the age of five. Tristan suffers from something along the lines of ADHD, and just could not sit still or settle down in class, so his teachers always made him sit next to Malorie, the one child who would not be drawn into his distractions (this seems a little unfair on Malorie, to be honest – but also quite plausible). By the time they were in high school, Tristan had figured out for himself that he felt more focused around Malorie – she was so quiet and focused, a ‘cool green shaded place where you could just feel…safe…from all the barrage of sensations around you’, a refuge even – and he also had a massive crush on her, to which she was absolutely oblivious, despite nursing her own crush on him.

So there is a lot of history between them before this book begins.

(Speaking of history, one thing I rather liked was that Tristan really doesn’t understand how her family history, and especially her great-grandfather’s betrayal of the Resistance, affects Malorie. I mean, it all happened 70 years ago, right? Years before they were born! How can Malorie possibly be worried about it? But of course for him it has never had to matter – his grandparents were on the side of the heroes. It’s Malorie who has to contend with the region’s dislike and distrust of her family.)

Tristan does eventually figure out other strategies to deal with his ADHD, though he never falls out of love with Malorie. He figures out that he focuses best when he is doing something that engages his senses:

In fact, it wasn’t until he started working in perfumes, when everything he had to memorize had a sensation to it, a meaning, that he’d flourished. Scents could hold his brain together. If he could sink into them in his head, those scents carried all the activity and richness of life. Playing with them in his head felt like exploring the world, amassing sensations. He could focus on them.

Of course, Malorie’s calm and quiet and focus are not just a part of her nature – they are a result of, and a defense against, her father’s narcissism. We learn early on that he stole pieces of the family heritage to sell, and used charm to try to win his daughters over to his side and guilt-trip his wife into staying. Malorie is thus not inclined to trust charm, and Tristan is very charming. One thing I liked here is that Malorie knows, and acknowledges, from the very start, that Tristan is not like her father – Tristan basically wants the people around him to be happy and uses charm to achieve this goal. But that doesn’t stop her from reacting to seeing her father in him, even once their relationship is beginning to become established. This is not helped by the fact that Tristan, for all his crush on Malorie, makes some pretty stupid mistakes when it comes to Malorie’s inheritance.

I want to talk about Tristan for a bit, because he is really quite adorable. He is comfortable with himself, secure in his family’s affection, and has the sort of charm that calms people down and smooths ruffled feathers. He’s a genuinely sweet and kind person, who really likes everyone he meets. He is also playful and sensual and – befitting a perfumer – very focused on scent:

“Is it just orange blossom water?” Tristan said, back on her scent. “Is that what you use? I’d like to know who makes it, because it’s remarkably full. Almost fresh off the flower, with this hint of human honey in it.”

“Hint of human honey” might not make sense to anyone outside the perfume industry, but Malorie had spent her entire life surrounded by people who talked like that.

It was just…strange, in a way that tickled in inappropriate places in her body, to know that she herself was the hint of human honey.

“Farelli made me a one-off scent,” Malorie murmured, naming one of Tristan’s rivals, just to see what happened.

Tristan laughed. “Good one. He never made something that full of light in his life. But I could”– he grabbed her wrist and sniffed it again, this time the inside of it, completely forgetting the line she had just drawn in the sand about not doing that– “well, maybe…hmm.”

“Tristan.” She pulled her wrist back, and the calluses on the tips of his fingers grazed over her skin. “I am not a perfume touche.”

(I realise that this is a long quote, but it still doesn’t quite do Tristan justice – it’s a whole long conversation about something entirely different, where he keeps getting distracted by wait, what’s that smell on your wrist, I need to smell it again, why are you so weird about me sniffing your arm, if I buy you chocolate can I sniff your arm…?)

And while we are talking about Tristan’s fascination with scent, I’d like to pause here and note that Florand’s way of writing about perfumes is utterly fascinating:

The scent of dust a sparkle in the light. Dancing like it could float up into the sun. A deep rich floral base, gleaming under it like a fresh-finished parquet floor, an orange blossom with an age to it, as if it had been lying in wait, layered in and packed away, until someone opened a chest full of some great-great-grandmother’s wedding dress and the scent could release again…

Honestly, that description makes me want to weep, because smell is such an important and evocative sense for me, but I always find perfumes overwhelming – and yet I desperately want to try that one. Florand always makes her perfumes sound magical and it drives me right up the wall, because I can’t tell if this is magical realism or if some people really do experience perfumes like that and I’m just nose-blind or unsophisticated or something.

The story develops slowly, as is fitting with a relationship that has been developing, in one way or another, for over 25 years. As with all the Vie en Roses books, the Grasse region feels like another character in the book, its geography and history and valleys of flowers being both backdrop to and reflection of the story. One of the most beautiful things in this book is the overgrown orchard of bitter oranges that is part of Malorie’s inheritance. The description of the scent and harvesting of the orange flowers – and Tristan’s reaction when Malorie lets him into her garden (not a euphemism – though actually, yes, it turns out to be that as well) is sweet and evocative and utterly gorgeous.

Much of the conflict involves Malorie fighting her own demons, though Tristan certainly adds some by being far stupider than he needs to be, particularly since he has known Malorie long enough to have more sense than that. I found that a little frustrating, though entirely in character. I also got a little bit cross with him for dragging Malorie around to meet his grandfather and great aunt – the ones who most definitely do not have fond memories of her great-grandfather – without warning. Yes, he knows that they will warm to her, and yes, he is right about that, but it’s still a fairly obnoxious thing to do, and Malorie is right to call him on it. Despite his opinions on the subject, Tristan does not, necessarily, always know what is best for everyone.

A | BN | K | iB

I really liked A Crown of Bitter Orange. It’s sweet and soothing to read, and despite the conflict, I felt very safe reading it – for all the sniping early in the book, there is a sense of connection between Tristan and Malorie from the start, and I never doubted for a moment that Malorie and Tristan would be good for each other, once they finally got themselves sorted out. After all, underneath everything, they have known and loved each other since they were five, even if they weren’t always aware of it. They know where they come from, and what they value. It’s just a matter of sorting through their history until they come to the place where they can start their future.

After the popularity of the holiday gift  guides, and a few reader requests, we have a new feature: Stuff We Like, a monthly round up of things that are useful, adorable, entertaining, or simply making us very happy. We’re constantly sharing gift ideas and clever things we discover with one another, and it seems only fair we invite everyone in on the fun, right?

Please note: some of these links include affiliate codes which send a percentage of your purchase back to the site at no extra cost to you. Thank you!

So let’s get started!

Useful Things

If among your new year’s resolutions is the desire to be a more thoughtful friend or to send more birthday cards and letters (*raises hand*), there are a number of things you can do to help make that goal easier to reach.

First: always have the cards you need so the sending of said card is simple and easy.

There are a number of birthday card assortments you can buy, including this one, which comes with six sets of six different designs – better said as 36 birthday cards with envelopes for $9.99.

I really like the green one that looks like a gift.

And if you think you’ll need cards for several occasions, such as graduations, happy events, weddings, or condolences, there are assortments that cover all the card-sending needs. This one offers 48 occasion cards with envelopes for $13. 

And if you’re thinking you want to be extra creative, you can purchase blank cards and embellish them if you like. I bought a set of blank cards made of craft paper, and some watercolor markers to decorate them when I feel like drawing, or when I need a card for a very specific occasion.

If you’d like to buy more quirky cards or support independent artists, Etsy has a veritable smorgasbord of clever and adorable greeting cards. You can get a set of eight Fuck Yeah Snail Mail cards for $18, or a DIY kit of four cards with different patterns and designs to construct your own for $3.

Etsy also has many, many artists offering letterpress cards, which are very luscious and come in excellent designs – that one (above) is fresh out of  fucks – get a box of 6 for $15, or a single card for $4. 

Or, if you want the easiest option possible, these notepads from Knock Knock allow you to send apology notes, send a pep talk, request some support or give out mad props for awesomeness.

I have noticed that I really enjoy sending cards to people, especially because I know receiving snail mail that isn’t a bill or piece of advertising is delightful. It’s not the card itself that matters so much – it’s that you write a note and send it to someone that makes a lovely difference in someone’s day. Make the process simpler and easy to accomplish by having cards ready to go – and stamps as well – has made that resolution reachable.

Another common resolution: packing a lunch instead of buying one each day. In some metropolitan areas, that’s an easy way to save $50 a week, which is an even bigger savings at the end of the month.

If this is one of your goals for the year, I want to make sure that I share links to my favorite lunch containers. I’ve mentioned these in prior gift guides, but I can’t even tell you how much I love them: the Rubbermaid Easy Find Lid Square 2-Cup Food Storage containers come in a pack of six for for $13. The two cup size is ideal for soups or stews – the kind of recipes that easily make leftovers. The lid stays on very tightly, and the whole set is durable.

And if you need assorted sizes, there’s also a 42-piece set:

It comes with multiple sizes, including smaller half-cup sized containers which are great for sauce or dressing.

After I bought these, I tossed all our other containers that were flimsy, cracked, or mismatched (or had lost their lids forever), and because the lids attach to the bottoms of the containers and stack neatly, the cupboard is organized as well.

Fun Things

Useful tools to reach resolutions are awesome, but let’s talk about fun things, too!

You or someone you know probably needs a sloth tea infuser ($8.53). Or, if you prefer semi-aquatic egg-laying mammals of action, there’s a platypus tea infuser for $9.

If you’re always cold, perhaps fleece sheets will make for the perfect cozy bed for reading?

And calling in sick with “ate a bad burrito” to read that new book you bought? (I’m really cold right now so I could wrap myself in that set and be happy for hours.)

Amanda wants y’all to know that she thinks this iPhone case is terribly cute. It is, too! And it’s $13.

Amanda also wants y’all to know that these are the most adorable lip glosses:

Six Matte Wine Bottle Lip glosses – $12. Not only are they matte but they’d make an adorable Valentine’s or Galentine’s gift for someone – or several someones.

Having to take daily meds can be a bother, but it’s important. Rosie the Riveter is here to help you with that:

You Can Do It *with medication pillbox is $10.50 – and there are 11 other designs, too.

What have you found that charmed the heck out of you recently? Any treats or useful things you’d like to share? 

It’s time for Wednesday links, y’all! We have some site stuff to announce and some romance recommendation links to send your TBR into overload.

…

In case you missed it, we created an Amazon store for books we’d recommend and titles that we consider bestsellers from the last two weeks.

Our SBTB Recommends store features books that have earned a B grade or higher on the site (going back about two months). We also have a Bestsellers tab, where we list books that have sold 50 or more copies through the site in the past two weeks. It’s updated daily as we check sales and it gets refreshed completely every two weeks.

We’re also going back through the archives (to about the beginning of 2014) and adding more titles, so it’s not complete as of yet.

…

If you’re looking to diversify your reading, Bustle has a great list of books by Indian authors you may have missed last year:

So many great books by Indian authors released in 2016 as well. Reading about people who don’t look like you, who have a different culture, religion, orientation than you, is incredibly important right now. But what’s more, it’s important that Indian authors are able to write about whatever they want—it can be frustrating when it seems like the only books that are published are about people struggling under backbreaking misery living in the slums or rural villages of India. While those are important stories, they’re not representative of the larger Indian diaspora. What excites me about the books by Indian authors that released in 2016 is their range—they didn’t all have to even be about being Indian.

The author, Swapna Krishna, also includes a link for titles forthcoming in 2017 too!

…

…

Our 12th anniversary is coming up January 31st, and of course, we’ll be doing a giveaway. Stay tuned!

…

If you attended the Women’s March over the weekend or are looking to increase your activism, the Women’s March website has launched “10 Actions in 100 Days” to keep the momentum going.

…

Goodreads is celebrating “Romance Week” from February 6th through Valentine’s Day. To prep, they’ve compiled a list of the Top 100 Romance Novels on their site. What do you think of the list? I’m also curious how they calculated the books. Is it based on ratings? Number of reviews?

…

My roommate linked me to Pack Up & Go, a travel agency that plans a 3-day vacation with a surprise destination. You fill out a questionnaire, along with your budget (which covers the flight and lodging), and they send you an envelope. Inside, they give you tips and advice on what sort of clothing to pack. You don’t actually find out where you’re going until the day of your travel. My boyfriend and I might give it a try! Anyone else interested in traveling to a mystery destination?

…

Frixion Erasable Pens

I love these pens far more than is probably natural. They write smoothly, they erase for real (yes, way!), and they come in a bunch of colors. I have one with me at all times.

…

Introducing the SBTB Live Scream! Last week, Sarah did a live stream chat (we’re calling it a Live Scream) for about an hour. After enjoying it so much, we’d like to do it every couple weeks in order to increase engagement with the rest of the Bitchery. The next Live Scream is scheduled for Saturday, January 28 at 2:30 EST. At the designated time, you can join Sarah here!

…

Don’t forget to share what super cool things you’ve seen, read, or listened to this week! And if you have anything you think we’d like to post on a future Wednesday Links, send it my way!

Dreadnought is my catnip in concept and yet the book bugged me a little. This story about a transgender teen superhero is a coming-out story wrapped in a cape. It has fun elements but suffers from characters who are under-developed.

The story opens with Danny, who is fifteen and assigned-male-at-birth, sneaking into an alley to apply toenail polish. This small act helps Danny, who is a transgender girl but deeply closeted, feel sane. Suddenly a superhero, Dreadnought, falls from the sky, casualty of an aerial battle. Before he dies, Dreadnought gives Danny his superpowers. As a side effect, Danny’s body transforms into the body of a teen girl. Danny (who now uses the name ‘Danny’ as a nickname for ‘Danielle’) has super strength, invulnerability, and the power of flight, as well as the appearance of a beautiful young woman.

There are two stories going on – the “coming out as transgender” story and the “becoming a superhero” story. The coming out as transgender story is a parade of wretchedness. Danny is completely miserable about being transgender because she can’t tell anyone. After her body is transformed, she still has to hide the fact that this body is her preferred body. Her father is abusive and obsessed with masculinity. Her only friend, David, makes a sexual proposition after Danny’s transformation and, when Danny turns him down, David responds by saying that he hopes that Danny will get raped. There’s no mention of any LGBT-friendly groups that Danny could turn to (maybe they don’t exist there, or maybe Danny fears exposure too much to approach them). Danny, who narrates the story, tends to preface comments about the future with “If I don’t kill myself…” She feels completely isolated.

Danny is not the only superhero in town. Whitecapes are members of the Legion. Blackcapes are bad guys. Greycapes are less villainous than blackcapes but more morally flexible than whitecapes. Danny can choose what cape to wear, if any. Danny is immediately screened by the Legion, where she is bullied by Greywytch (who does not believe that transgender women are legitimately women). However, Danny also finds allies: the accepting and protective whitecape Doc Impossible and a graycape, Calamity, who is about Danny’s age. This breaks Danny’s isolation, which arguably does more to further Danny’s emotional transition than the superpowers that make Danny feel invulnerable.

Danny’s “becoming a superhero” story is pretty fun. Choosing what cape to wear, if any, is a complication. She can also choose to assume the name of Dreadnought, the hero who gave her powers. During the process of trying to decide who she wants to be, Danny enjoys having Calamity as a friend who knows about her transition and her superpowers and who accepts both.

It’s important to remember that Danny is only fifteen, so a lot of the idiotic stuff that Danny and Calamity get up to is on point for their age. They stop robberies and practice flying and have a grand time until they decide to take on Utopia, the supervillian who killed Dreadnought at the beginning of the story. This is so spectacularly dumb, and yet I completely believed that these two teenagers would totally do it.

You would think that this would be one of my all-time favorite books, but a lot of it fell flat. I think the problem comes down to a lack of nuance and complexity in the characters. Danny doesn’t have any hobbies or interests beyond being transgender until she is forced to add being a superhero to her list of interests. Her father is a bully and her mom is a doormat. Transgender youth are truly at a high risk of being abused and becoming homeless (both things happen in the book) and it’s good to see those problems being addressed, but Danny’s parents have no other characteristics than Abusive Parent and Doormat Parent.

In the same way, Graywytch is so deranged in her transphobia that she’s almost a parody figure, especially since her only characteristic is her transphobia. Graywytch’s objections to Danny consist of long, nonsensical rants. Of course there are people who engage in long, nonsensical, discriminatory rants, but I think the character, and her impact on Danny, would have been more powerful if her objections had been more clearly connected to the story and if her character had more traits than just The Transphobic One.

This book is basically Danny vs. Bigotry, and it’s wonderful to see Danny come into her own. Her closing speech is quite satisfying. However, villains – and this book is full of them – are more interesting and more challenging when they have nuance. The character who comes closest to nuance is Danny’s mom, who says that she doesn’t want Danny to be transgender because she worries about what horrible things might happen to Danny. Without nuance, the book sometimes reads less like a well-developed story and more like a Very Special Episode About How Transphobia Is Bad. Transphobia is bad, but when all the transphobia is presented in such extreme terms it’s no challenge to the reader to come to that conclusion.

There’s no romance in the book. However, Danny is a lesbian, and she and Calamity get pretty close, and there’s going to be a sequel. So who knows? By the end of the story, Danny and Calamity have become more developed characters so I’ll happily give the sequel a try.

As written, this book is what TV Tropes calls Anvilicious. Because all the characters are so one-dimensional, it feels leaden. However, TV Tropes also has a category called Some Anvils Need To Be Dropped which I think applies to this story. Transgender teens who are not supported by friends and family are at a high risk of being bullied, becoming homeless, and committing suicide. Dreadnought does a good job of bringing these issues to light. However, if it were more well-developed, it would be a better book.

In the meantime, if you need support or know someone who does, this page from GLAAD lists national online, phone, and in-person support services. And most of all, we are glad you are here, and you have value .

Ahoy, Bitchery! We have a very special request from Reader Leanne, who really want to put together a super thoughtful care package for a friend. Here’s her request:

Background: I have this friend and colleague, let’s call her Mary, whom I really love and respect. Mary is about to turn 40. She’s a hardworking woman who has dedicated her life to her job. In this case, real life really imitates (some) romance fiction, because Mary has confided to me many times how badly she wants to have a baby. She is a godmother, aunt, and friend who loves spending time and energy with kids. But she often works 60-70 hour weeks and doesn’t have time for or interest in dating.

Long story short, Mary has finally decided to look into sperm donation. I can hear her happiness and excitement in her voice when she talks about it, but she’s nervous, too. I’d like to send her a care package with some romance novels that are happy and inspiring for a woman in her situation. I know she wants to find love, but she’s worried that being a single mom (which she wants more) will make that even harder, so I thought some inspiring love stories would help her feel better.

Can the Bitchery suggest any HAPPY romances where the heroine is a single mom, maybe even through sperm donation, IVF, or adoption? Bonus points if she doesn’t have to give up her career to do it.

Let’s help Leanne and her friend out, shall we? Give us your recommendations with kickass, single mom heroines!

There’s an awesome sale in on our Teepublic store, where tees have been marked down to $14! Not only can you get SBTB swag, but there are great designs from Karen Hallion and Jen Talley as well!

A Court of Thorns and Roses

A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas is $1.99! This is a Kindle Daily Deal, and hasn’t been price matched yet. This book and series is insanely popular and has Beauty and the Beast elements. However, some felt it didn’t live up to the hype or it had too much sexxxytimes for a YA-positioned book. Have you read this one?

A thrilling, seductive new series from New York Times bestselling author Sarah J. Maas, blending Beauty and the Beast with faerie lore.

When nineteen-year-old huntress Feyre kills a wolf in the woods, a beast-like creature arrives to demand retribution for it. Dragged to a treacherous magical land she only knows about from legends, Feyre discovers that her captor is not an animal, but Tamlin—one of the lethal, immortal faeries who once ruled their world.

As she dwells on his estate, her feelings for Tamlin transform from icy hostility into a fiery passion that burns through every lie and warning she’s been told about the beautiful, dangerous world of the Fae. But an ancient, wicked shadow grows over the faerie lands, and Feyre must find a way to stop it . . . or doom Tamlin—and his world—forever.

Perfect for fans of Kristin Cashore and George R. R. Martin, this first book in a sexy and action-packed new series is impossible to put down!

Add to Goodreads To-Read List →

This book is on sale at:

 

 

 

Yours to Keep

RECOMMENDED: Yours to Keep by Shannon Stacey is 99c! In a previous podcast episode, Petra Mayer of NPR said this is one of her books by Stacey. This is also a contemporary romance and has a fake relationship plot. It’s the third book in the Kowalskis series and has a 4-star rating on Goodreads.

Sean Kowalski no sooner leaves the army than he’s recruited by Emma Shaw to be her fake fiancé. Emma needs to produce a husband-to-be for her grandmother’s upcoming visit, and, though Sean doesn’t like the deception, he could use the landscaping job Emma’s offering while he decides what to do with his civilian life. And, despite his attraction to Emma, there’s no chance he’ll fall for a woman with deep roots in a town he’s not planning to call home.

Emma’s not interested in a real relationship either; not with a man whose idea of home is wherever he drops his duffel bag. No matter how amazing his “pretend” kisses are…

Add to Goodreads To-Read List →

This book is on sale at:

 

 

 

The Wanderer

The Wanderer by Robyn Carr is 99c! This is the first book in the Thunder Point series and Sarah gave it a B-:

Though I know it won’t be for everyone, I enjoyed the mellow, misty friendliness of Thunder Point, and even though the romance was barely secondary to the story, I liked the community and each of the characters enough that reading it made me content, which is just what I wanted.

From Robyn Carr, #1 New York Times bestselling author of the popular Virgin River novels, comes THUNDER POINT—the highly anticipated new series that will make you laugh, make you sigh, and make you fall in love with a small town filled with people you’ll never forget.

Nestled on the Oregon Coast is a small town of rocky beaches and rugged charm. Locals love the land’s unspoiled beauty. Developers see it as a potential gold mine. When newcomer Hank Cooper learns he’s been left an old friend’s entire beachfront property, he finds himself with a community’s destiny in his hands.

Cooper has never been a man to settle in one place, and Thunder Point was supposed to be just another quick stop. But Cooper finds himself getting involved with the town. And with Sarah Dupre, a woman as complicated as she is beautiful.

With the whole town watching for his next move, Cooper has to choose between his old life and a place full of new possibilities. A place that just might be home.

Add to Goodreads To-Read List →

This book is on sale at:

 

 

 

Dark Mafia Prince

Dark Mafia Prince by Annika Martin is 99c at Amazon and iBooks! It’s $3.99 elsewhere. I know mafia stories aren’t for everyone, but I added this to my TBR after seeing it recommended by Molly O’Keefe. I’ll pretty much read whatever she recommends. It’s a darker romance with a smart heroine. However, others wanted more romantic interaction between the hero and heroine.

THE DARK MAFIA PRINCE IS BACK TO RECLAIM ALL THAT HER FAMILY STOLE.

Aleksio
Don’t look at me like that. So trusting.
Like you think I’m not a monster.
Like I won’t wrap your hair in my fist and bend you to my will.
Like I won’t sacrifice you, piece by piece, to save my brother.
I’m the most dangerous enemy you’ll ever have because every time you look at me, you see somebody good. That friend who died.
And when you look at me like that, I die again.

Mira
I spent years making myself invisible.
A good girl, apart from the noise.
 Then you came back, beautiful and deadly in your Armani suit.
Don’t look at me like you still know me, you say.
But I remember your smile and those sunny days.
Before they lowered your small casket into the ground.
Before they told us the prince was dead.

Add to Goodreads To-Read List →

This book is on sale at:

 

 

 

Sarah chats with historical romance author Theresa Romain about her two current series, one which was inspired by The Tollgate by Georgette Heyer, and another that is historical horse romance for horse-mad little girls who grew up to be romance readers. They also talk about what Theresa is reading, her very through knowledge of a specific silent film star, and the books that continue to inspired her writing.

Read the transcript →

Here are the books we discuss in this podcast:

First, Theresa’s Reading Rainbow shirt!

@SmartBitches Behold! The back says “go read a book” in fat 80s-style serif font. pic.twitter.com/M0IoHSbKa7

— Theresa Romain (@TheresaRomain) January 11, 2017

And it looks like it’s available on Amazon, too!

If you like the podcast, you can subscribe to our feed, or find us at iTunes. You can also find us at PodcastPickle and on Stitcher, too. We also have a cool page for the podcast on iTunes.

Thanks to our sponsors:

• Podcast →

More ways to sponsor:

Sponsor us through Patreon! (What is Patreon?)

What did you think of today's episode? Got ideas? Suggestions? You can talk to us on the blog entries for the podcast or talk to us on Facebook if that's where you hang out online. You can email us at sbjpodcast@gmail.com or you can call and leave us a message at our Google voice number: 201-371-3272. Please don't forget to give us a name and where you're calling from so we can work your message into an upcoming podcast.

Thanks for listening!

This Episode's Music

Our music is provided by Sassy Outwater.

This is “Room 215,” by the Peatbog Fairies, from their album Dust.

You can find all things Peatbog at their website, or at Amazon or iTunes.

Podcast Sponsor

As the first Swedish romance ever to be translated into and published in English, the bestselling novel All In by Simona Ahrnstedt is a refreshing twist on the billionaire playboy trope, exhibits strong female characters, a lovingly painted vision of the idyllic Swedish summer and an “un-put-downable” plot that will appeal to every romance reader.

Critically lauded by Publishers Weekly, Booklist, Kirkus Reviews, Library Journal, Bookpage, BookRiot, In Touch, and best of all by this website, Smart Bitches, Trashy Books, ALL IN by Simona Ahrnstedt is now beautifully repackaged in trade paperback just in time for Valentine’s Day as a perfect gift for a friend or better yet, for yourself. Now available wherever books are sold and on Kensingtonbooks.com.

Remember to subscribe to our podcast feed, find us on iTunes, via PodcastPickle, or on Stitcher.

NB: Welcome to Flashback Friday! Carrie reviewed Dreadnought, a superhero story with a transgender teen that was a bit disappointing. If you’re looking for more transgender characters, especially in romance, check out our previous Rec League! This post was originally published December 22, 2016.

Last month, we had a Rec League with a focus on lesbian romances and there were some amazing recommendations. Hopefully, we can repeat that success with transgender romances! I recently did a post for Book Riot where I tried to find some LGBTA+ holiday romances, but it was deceptively hard to find romances that focuses on couples who weren’t strictly gay or lesbian. But I know there are romances out there with these characters!

From SBTB HQ, we only have a few suggestions from our brains.

Sarah: Roller Girl by Vanessa North! ( A | BN | K | ARe | iB )

Butch and the Beautiful ( A | BN | K | iB ) had a secondary character who may have been exploring.

Amanda: If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo ( A | BN | K | G | ARe | iB ) is highly recommended, though I haven’t read it yet. It’s also a YA title.

Carrie: Courtney Milan’s Hold Me! ( A | K | G | ARe | iB )

Know any other transgender romances? Or books with romantic elements that feature transgender characters? Please give us all the recommendations!